you humans like swarms of things, right?

A couple of peculiar things have happened to me this week: I got texted by a guy who thought I had a 20 sack to sell (plus he used his full name and the full name of who he thought he was texting, which, like -- you're not gonna evade the cops for long, dude); and I was driving home and the volume on my car stereo started going up by itself, which I assumed was some kind of dire omen and which rattled me for the rest of the night because I am a total chickenshit.

Aaaaaaanyway.

I have recently been trying to change the way I eat, because (like many of you I'm sure) I tend to eat poorly when I'm stressed or cranky or whatever. So I'm doing the "bunch of little meals" thing at work -- it's easiest to stick to it at work -- and I rotate among oatmeal & blueberries, black bread & cream cheese, whole grain raisin toast & peanut butter, apples, walnuts, and cottage cheese. For the most part. Sometimes I put thinly sliced cucumber on the black bread & cream cheese, which is lovely, and then my mum gave me some cherry jam and I remembered once seeing Nigella mow down on a "Hungarian Sandwich" so despite my suspicions of sickly-sweetness I tried it ... and it's FANTASTIC. The jam adds just enough candy-tart to the creamy cheese, and the dense black bread stands up to the flavours. Hooray!

Wow, this was a dull entry. Perhaps next time I will talk about lion-taming.

i'm not gay! i'm nothing yet!

Also (and it is a testament to how very uncomfortable I am with talking about this sort of thing with people in person that this is my first mention of it EVER), I am starting to suspect that I might be asexual? Which is confusing, because I can't even tell if this puts me into the category of queer, or if I have to specifically identify as gay or straight first, or if there's a whole different category for asexuality, or ... shit, I don't even know. Everything I've read about asexuality/autosexuality contradicts the other stuff. All I know is I really like to think about people (ranging over genders) having sex, but never involving *me*. I have utterly no desire to physically have any of it myself ever again. But I still find lots of things hot.

The thought of saying this to people only to have them counter with, "oh but you haven't had ENOUGH/the right KIND of sex" or "you're just AVOIDANT/have MENTAL HEALTH issues" or "you probably just DON'T FEEL ATTRACTIVE" or "you just need to find the RIGHT GUY" is so anxiety-making, y'all. Not that I'm ever very forthcoming about my sexuality to begin with -- which leads to stuff like people at film school or the women's studies dept assuming I'm a lesbian, and most other people assuming I have "failed to catch a man" -- but all the same.

How the hell do I end this post?

Oh, I know! I was reading the Visions newsletter and came across a link to Sher Vancouver, which I totally didn't even know existed. Very cool.

Er, I haven't locked/privatized this post. I figure if I'm gonna actually verbalize this, I might as well get it all out there, eh?

*awkward whistling*