bossymarmalade: the wry virgin of guadalupe (la morenita)
miss maggie ([personal profile] bossymarmalade) wrote2010-03-12 12:06 pm
Entry tags:

i'm not gay! i'm nothing yet!

Also (and it is a testament to how very uncomfortable I am with talking about this sort of thing with people in person that this is my first mention of it EVER), I am starting to suspect that I might be asexual? Which is confusing, because I can't even tell if this puts me into the category of queer, or if I have to specifically identify as gay or straight first, or if there's a whole different category for asexuality, or ... shit, I don't even know. Everything I've read about asexuality/autosexuality contradicts the other stuff. All I know is I really like to think about people (ranging over genders) having sex, but never involving *me*. I have utterly no desire to physically have any of it myself ever again. But I still find lots of things hot.

The thought of saying this to people only to have them counter with, "oh but you haven't had ENOUGH/the right KIND of sex" or "you're just AVOIDANT/have MENTAL HEALTH issues" or "you probably just DON'T FEEL ATTRACTIVE" or "you just need to find the RIGHT GUY" is so anxiety-making, y'all. Not that I'm ever very forthcoming about my sexuality to begin with -- which leads to stuff like people at film school or the women's studies dept assuming I'm a lesbian, and most other people assuming I have "failed to catch a man" -- but all the same.

How the hell do I end this post?

Oh, I know! I was reading the Visions newsletter and came across a link to Sher Vancouver, which I totally didn't even know existed. Very cool.

Er, I haven't locked/privatized this post. I figure if I'm gonna actually verbalize this, I might as well get it all out there, eh?

*awkward whistling*

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