bossymarmalade | (no subject)

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memes and quizzes

(no subject)

Am livid beyond belief, but in the final analysis the election results could have been worse. Therefore, I am trying to be zen.

I think you should all help me to be zen by doing this meme!

Leave a list of fictional characters in your journal that you would love to get a message from. Your f- and f-of-list's mission, should they choose to accept it, to write you an in-character "letter" from a character on that list. Then they post their own list in their journal and the process continues!

Bono / John Constantine / Zorak, Space Ghost / Dr. Jack, Locke, Sayid, Jin, Sun / Kirkpatrick, Timberlake, Chasez / Dale Cooper, Harry Truman, Laura Palmer / anybody on the Baltimore Homicide Unit / anybody from The Simpsons/Futurama / X-Verse / Batverse / anybody from Red Dwarf / a Winchester / an Everwoodie / whoever else you think I would find entertaining

ANONYMOUS COMMENTING ON. *g*

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My dear fellow mutant,

You are entirely too fretful about the recent changes in the Canadian government. Firstly, despite what that priggish pantywaist Xavier may have been telling you I cannot--for obvious reasons--imagine a group of politicians who would be more naturally sympathetic to the goals and aims of a lot of sad twisted genetic freaks than would be the Conservatives. Secondly, all else aside it is safe to say that your Prime Minister Harper is...not who he appears to be. If you get my drift.

Yours,
Magneto

Dear Maggie:

Okay, sure, your government maybe isn't exactly where you'd like it to be, but what about MY PAIN? I am tortured every night by thoughts of Adena Watson and all the innocent little children who suffered, and prison food is bad, really really bad, and Frank hasn't visited me even once! not once! and after all I did for him besides! You know, maybe I shoulda gone harder after Ballard or maybe winked back at Kellerman once or twice or not messed up things with Chris Rawls. Maybe I would've been happier then.

Gotta go -- time for Law for Prisoners 101, where I am figuring out how to sue Frank Pembleton, that betraying bastard oh god I love him so much my pain is so intense I can't hurt Mary but I can't stop loving Frank help!

Anyway. Sorry again about your country.

Tim Bayliss

P.S. Sorry -- this is not a reply to Magneto. Being in prison has made it hard to understand this commenting and LiveJournal thing, which is Frank's fault, too.

--Tim Bayliss

Dear Tim:

Eat me, you prick.

Yours in whiteness, Vern Schillinger

Dear Vern,

Like everything else wasn't enough, why do you INSIST ON EMBARRASSING ME IN PUBLIC?!

Beecher

P.S. Those new black fishnets with the pink garter ruffles? I want them back NOW!

Dear Beecher:

What did I tell you about speaking without my express permission? Now you'll have to sing the entire first disc of "Rent" to placate me.

expectantly, maggie

Dear Vern:

KEEP IT CLEAN, BITCH!

yours,
maggie

Again?

--TB

Tim--oh, I visited you, you just don't REMEMBER it because you were so wrapped up in your own SUFFERING and PAIN and BASHING YOURSELF IN THE HEAD with the visitor room phone thingy to notice anyone else was around. Do you UNDERSTAND that this is all because of your DARK SIDE, that you have to KNOW and LOVE your dark side and EMBRACE the sick sad pain of this godless world? DO YOU UNDERSTAND? DO YOU--oh, fuck it. Mary and the kids say hi.

Francis Xavier Pembleton

P.S. I'm not going to say sorry about your country, Maggie. SORRY? Have you ever SEEN what sorry really looks like, lying splayed at the corner of Pratt and Exeter with its guts fanning over the asphalt like an exploded starfish and the top of its skull stuck on the Domino Sugar neon sign? HAVE YOU? GET OUT OF MY BLOOD!!

Frank

P.P.S. What do you call that phone thingy, anyway? You know the one where you sit on one side of the plastic barrier and the convict's on the other and you talk back and forth? I asked Kay once and she didn't know.

F.

Deer Uncle Tim,

I am sorree about my daddy's letter heer is a picture I drew you of a bunnee.

Livvy

P.S. Don't take it personallie he's been kind of crabbee since they elected that new Poppe.

Dear Frank:

Have you forgotten all of the calming exercises you had to learn when you stroked out? Jesus, anybody would think you LIKED courting disaster. Learn a mantra or something!

As for the prison question -- I would imagine that they're called "non-contact visitor's phones" or something unwieldy like that.

Kiss Livvy for me; she obviously did not inherit your temper, and her bunny-art is sublime!

love, maggie

ps. I hear you on the new Pope. Sucks to be us.

Dear Timmy:

Fortitude, my friend! Remember, you are no stranger to the Big House; you've done HARD TIME before for political activism. Or something.

I'm sure that Frank feels just as strongly about you as you feel about him -- he just has different ways of showing it. Not everybody can just come right out and display their emotions through a succession of highly symbolic hairstyles, y'know. In fact, in Frank's case, it's an impossibility.

Hang in there!
maggie

Dear Master of Magnetism:

You make a series of intelligent and forceful points here, and I am hard-pressed to argue. However, I fear that even should Harper prove to be sympathetic to mutant rights, he will no doubt forget any campaign promises the moment the FoH sends him a few pamphlets tucked into a fruit basket. Secret mutant or not, he seems easily swayed at best and megalomaniacal at worst.

I appreciate the info, though. You always were one of my favourites. Maybe we could meet up in the Savage Land and talk some more?...

love and admiration,
maggie

Dear Maggie,

You do realize, I hope, that you will always be a welcome member of my little organization and I encourage you to embrace your unique genetic powers to the fullest. Now admittedly, even I find the ability to set the members of haphazardly choreographed male singing groups on fire by making dildos materialize in front of them to be a strange mutation indeed, but I certainly have no intention of arguing with success. I also do think you would be far less tedious company than this "Pyro" creature who seems to regard himself as my long-lost son, and if you could convince Mystique that morphing into, oh say, Orlando Bloom just once in a while wouldn't kill her I would be forever in your debt.

Yours, Magneto

P.S. I notice you keep referring to yourself as "Maggie." What is your name? Not the name your parents gave you--I mean, your real name? (If you can, do try to pick something better than "Pyro," "Iceman" or "Storm"--with self-baptisms that banal, any moment one expects to see the proud mutant team of Spanky, Alfalfa and Buckwheat mounting a frontal assault on the White House.)

Dear Magneto,

I am intrigued by your offer to join your Acolytes; while I would love to have the chance to talk Mystique into taking on different and exciting forms, I'm afraid we'd probably have to get rid of Pyro entirely. I just don't have any tolerance for such desperate whiners, and, I mean, really -- St.John? St. John Allerdyce?? What kind of name is that?!?

If you've still got that cool outer-space HQ on Asteroid M, I'm all yours.

faithfully,
"Dildectra"

My dear Dildectra (now, that is an appropriately euphonious mutant name!),

Believe me, the whinging little St. John would have been dispatched long ago if we could all have decided on an appropriately slow and painful method of demise. Care to cast the tie-breaking vote between being fed in small pieces to fire ants (get it?) or being gradually suffocated in a giant vat of horse snot?

Yours diabolically, Magneto

P.S. The Acolyte Glee Club is scheduling auditions--I don't suppose you sing a mean contralto or anything, do you? If not, there's always the muffin-baking committee.

Dearest Magneto,

As luck would have it, I am possessed of a sublime contralto that would make Banshee wail in jealousy! Alas, my muffin-baking skills are somewhat limited, as mine always seem to be overmixed and suffer from those nasty tunnels inside. But I would be delighted to join the Glee Club.

My vote on St. John? Horse snot. Most definitely.

worshipfully,
Dildectra

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