bossymarmalade | why didn't she just leave me the bowel obstruction that killed her

Back from family reunion and +100-degree weather in Texas and awful, awful birds that lurked under cars in parking lots with their beaks open to keep cool. Now that I'm back, I realize I need to revise part of my pre-reunion post:

"...Maternal Family, who all put on airs and talk about how wonderful they are and carry grudges until death. They're like Lucille Bluth and Emily Gilmore but without the fun and compassion.

... ~~Okay, not~~ *all* of them are like this, but there's a distinct meanness to them that I'm not looking forward to."

You know when you're seeing unpleasant people, so you prepare yourself and come up with little scathing retorts and whatnot, and feel pretty confident about not getting flustered? Well, my maternal family finds BRAND NEW UNEXPECTED WAYS to be nasty to you, fucking up all your wretched hopeful defences. They also have fantastic excuses for when they've been cruel to you:

MY MOM: "It's just a JOKE! Why do you have to take things so SERIOUSLY!!"
MY AUNT: "Just remember y'all, if I say things that sound pissed off or mean, it COMES FROM A PLACE OF LOVE."

YOU PEOPLE DON'T UNDERSTAND HOW JOKES AND/OR LOVE WORK I'M GUESSING

Also I got heatstroke while we were at the Dallas Heritage Village, which was dreadful and humiliating and went like this:

COSTUMED TOUR GUIDE WEARING AN ORANGE SHIRT AND SUSPENDERS BUT ALSO A HIPSTER QUIFF AND GLASSES: -- and here you can see the marks of the Sullivans' carpet, because this is the part of their Victorian house (oh sorry the aircon's not working today) that they kept curtained off with these huge heavy red curtains here to keep it private, and in here you can see some celluloid cases for pills, and hey by the way they also used celluloid in making billiard balls, and the thing is that if you hit one of the celluloid balls too hard it would EXPLODE--
ME [attempting not to vomit or faint]: Um, I'm really enjoying this and I'm really sorry to cut you off, but I REALLY have to go outside and get some air--
CTG: Oh! Okay, I don't blame you, there's some air-conditioned buildings out here if you just walk to the left there and you'll find a General Store where it'll probably be better than out here in the Sullivan House--
ME: [makes it around the corner of the porch to the shade, lies down like a stricken heifer]

To make all of this worse, somehow the best meal I had for the *entire vacation* was an Irish Breakfast dealie at a pub in the Dallas-Fort Worth airport.

I'm glad to be back, but I still feel kind of exhausted and stressed-out, so if I don't answer comments and whatnot please bear with me for a bit, dear friends!

ETA: But do feel free to vent about your own families in the comments if you like, misery being a companionable pastime and all. It makes me feel better. *g*

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MY MOM: "It's just a JOKE! Why do you have to take things so SERIOUSLY!!"
MY AUNT: "Just remember y'all, if I say things that sound pissed off or mean, it COMES FROM A PLACE OF LOVE."

OMG. That is my own mother exactly.

*hugs*

To make all of this worse, somehow the best meal I had for the *entire vacation* was an Irish Breakfast dealie at a pub in the Dallas-Fort Worth airport.

Maggie, I am both wincing in sympathy and ROFLMAO at this statement.

YOU PEOPLE DON'T UNDERSTAND HOW JOKES AND/OR LOVE WORK I'M GUESSING.

*hugs* You are a far braver person than I for even going. I dread family weddings/parties for similar reasons.

We have the added bonus of several members of the older generation still obsessed with their youth. One of my Great Aunts (I'm talking late 60s, early 70s here) showed up to my cousin's wedding last year with orange-ish skin and wearing something I would have considered inappropriate on anyone. And she still found time to make derogatory comments about my grandmother. Much fun.

Poor Maggie. It really sucks when the food doesn't make up for the badness. ♥

Oh, OH do I hear you on that snotty family thing. My maternal relatives are all New England snobs, and they also have cultivated that way of insulting you that if you call them on it, they manage to turn around to make your fault.

Which is why I don't get back to CT very often.

Have a good recovery!

You can join my family. It is made of me. And some Triscuts. But it'll get better! And both me and the Triscuts wilt in heat/humidity, so we are with you on that score.

I read that as "hipster queef" and was very confused.

Ugh I don't hate my extended family, but I have never felt comfortable around them and get out of every single visit that I am able to (including one this coming weekend!). They're kind of Stepfordy. 9_9

That sounds AWFUL. Dear god do I ever feel your pain. Why are families such assholes all the time? This is making me dread my grandparents' anniversary party EVEN MORE -- it's a month away and I'm already trying to figure out how to fake my own death.

omg ilu though I'll admit I lol'd something fierce at the heatstroke story :/ my bad.

My sister and I drove across Texas and back one summer in the middle of July in a van with broken air-conditioning, and sometimes we'd have to run the heat to keep the engine from over-heating. It was completely miserable, but it was also oddly one of the funnest trips ever. I think it's just because at a certain point we just became so delirious that it became funny. Also, I was much younger and could deal with heat like that.

And ugh, family. I try to stay as far as possible from my mom's side of the family.

My mother's line is: "I was only TEASING!"

I am glad this is over. I am sorry about the heat stroke, which just adds injury to insult.

Glad you're back safe.

Well, I've been lucky in the family department for the most part. My maternal grandfather was the only truly, truly unpleasant person in my family, and he died about 10 years ago, so I no longer have to force myself to write thank you notes for the $25 at birthdays or whatever. But, man, when he used to come visit....

He was a career navy man, son of hard-working Swedish immigrants, and a lifelong alcoholic, who was both physically and sexually abusive to my mom and her two siblings, and verbally and physically abusive to my maternal grandmother (and who knows what else). His career was basically derailed by his alcoholism and his many personality defects, so in spite of his stellar performance at an Ivy League graduate engineering school, he never really got above a middle-management kind of level in the Navy.

However, his family all basically ran off and ditched him in the late '60's to go be hippies (including my grandmother! who left him right before their 25th wedding anniversary!), so my cousins and I didn't have to grow up around him. And when he did visit with his new wife (who had been his secretary! so classic!), I basically put up with his racist, sexist, homophobic, alcoholic bullshit for the free meals and occasional gifts. Oh, and also I endured the awful things he would tell me about my mother and how she didn't want me. Good times! Thanks, Grandpa Eric! Apparently it still pisses me off! But I grew up pretty poor, so going out to eat in restaurants with them, even fast food, was a big deal, and they would sometimes buy me new clothes rather than thrift store clothes. Perks I learned to negotiate bullshit for!

But by the time I was an adult, he was mostly just kind of sad and pathetic to me. To all of us, really, and so we learned to deal by...well, basically by enabling his alcoholism. Before he'd arrive, we'd go buy two or three of the big plastic jugs of cheap vodka, and we'd all basically drink with him and stay kind of drunk for the entire visit, except whenever one of us would have to drive somewhere. Those of us who smoked weed would sneak off to do that, as well. It wasn't necessarily healthy, but it worked for us! :)

Wow, that was cathartic! You're right, misery does love company, etc.! And, dude, SO SORRY about your reunion trip. My god. What a marathon. I salute your endurance!

You really didn't have to write so very entertainingly to have my complete sympathy on all this family crap, truly! It's no wonder so many cultures have so much propaganda about how important families are, isn't it? Mine sucks too. Hang in there, keep your space, and wait for them to die off--the key to happiness. *hugses*

Wow, what very unpleasant people! I'm glad you survived and are back home.

Alas, I don't have family horror stories to contribute. My family are often annoying, stubborn, distracting, and wacked out, but that's part of why I get along with them.

I hope you get some soothing solitude and tasty dishes now at home!

and oy, how much fun it won't be. Family of the heart over family of blood any day!

The horrible parts of my family fortunately have no sense of humor and don't seem to labor under the delusion of having some, either, so when they say awful shit to you, at least there's the comfort of not having to second-guess - you can safely rest assured they really and truly meant it. (But, hey, it's okay - they're just doing God's work in showing you (and every one of their acquaintances they can think of who are not present in the situation) the many, many errors of your ways. Good times!)

That is to say, gaaah, families. Sorry you had such a bad time - and, oh, the heatstroke too, that officially sucks.

My mother is a terrible, terrible, terrible person.

Thank you for the opportunity to vent. That is all.

yay, familiezzz!!!

that sounds HORRIBLE.

perhaps looking at pictures of these will feel cooling and tasty and soothing in good ways?

they also taste good. as another option. ;)

MY AUNT: "Just remember y'all, if I say things that sound pissed off or mean, it COMES FROM A PLACE OF LOVE."

Oh. This. So sad. So constant. :(

why didn't she just leave me the bowel obstruction that killed her

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oh, DEAR.

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This is the weekend of my big family gathering

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