Well, I've been lucky in the family department for the most part. My maternal grandfather was the only truly, truly unpleasant person in my family, and he died about 10 years ago, so I no longer have to force myself to write thank you notes for the $25 at birthdays or whatever. But, man, when he used to come visit....
He was a career navy man, son of hard-working Swedish immigrants, and a lifelong alcoholic, who was both physically and sexually abusive to my mom and her two siblings, and verbally and physically abusive to my maternal grandmother (and who knows what else). His career was basically derailed by his alcoholism and his many personality defects, so in spite of his stellar performance at an Ivy League graduate engineering school, he never really got above a middle-management kind of level in the Navy.
However, his family all basically ran off and ditched him in the late '60's to go be hippies (including my grandmother! who left him right before their 25th wedding anniversary!), so my cousins and I didn't have to grow up around him. And when he did visit with his new wife (who had been his secretary! so classic!), I basically put up with his racist, sexist, homophobic, alcoholic bullshit for the free meals and occasional gifts. Oh, and also I endured the awful things he would tell me about my mother and how she didn't want me. Good times! Thanks, Grandpa Eric! Apparently it still pisses me off! But I grew up pretty poor, so going out to eat in restaurants with them, even fast food, was a big deal, and they would sometimes buy me new clothes rather than thrift store clothes. Perks I learned to negotiate bullshit for!
But by the time I was an adult, he was mostly just kind of sad and pathetic to me. To all of us, really, and so we learned to deal by...well, basically by enabling his alcoholism. Before he'd arrive, we'd go buy two or three of the big plastic jugs of cheap vodka, and we'd all basically drink with him and stay kind of drunk for the entire visit, except whenever one of us would have to drive somewhere. Those of us who smoked weed would sneak off to do that, as well. It wasn't necessarily healthy, but it worked for us! :)
Wow, that was cathartic! You're right, misery does love company, etc.! And, dude, SO SORRY about your reunion trip. My god. What a marathon. I salute your endurance!
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He was a career navy man, son of hard-working Swedish immigrants, and a lifelong alcoholic, who was both physically and sexually abusive to my mom and her two siblings, and verbally and physically abusive to my maternal grandmother (and who knows what else). His career was basically derailed by his alcoholism and his many personality defects, so in spite of his stellar performance at an Ivy League graduate engineering school, he never really got above a middle-management kind of level in the Navy.
However, his family all basically ran off and ditched him in the late '60's to go be hippies (including my grandmother! who left him right before their 25th wedding anniversary!), so my cousins and I didn't have to grow up around him. And when he did visit with his new wife (who had been his secretary! so classic!), I basically put up with his racist, sexist, homophobic, alcoholic bullshit for the free meals and occasional gifts. Oh, and also I endured the awful things he would tell me about my mother and how she didn't want me. Good times! Thanks, Grandpa Eric! Apparently it still pisses me off! But I grew up pretty poor, so going out to eat in restaurants with them, even fast food, was a big deal, and they would sometimes buy me new clothes rather than thrift store clothes. Perks I learned to negotiate bullshit for!
But by the time I was an adult, he was mostly just kind of sad and pathetic to me. To all of us, really, and so we learned to deal by...well, basically by enabling his alcoholism. Before he'd arrive, we'd go buy two or three of the big plastic jugs of cheap vodka, and we'd all basically drink with him and stay kind of drunk for the entire visit, except whenever one of us would have to drive somewhere. Those of us who smoked weed would sneak off to do that, as well. It wasn't necessarily healthy, but it worked for us! :)
Wow, that was cathartic! You're right, misery does love company, etc.! And, dude, SO SORRY about your reunion trip. My god. What a marathon. I salute your endurance!