seymour, come home right away! the refrigerator's too loud!

[bossymarmalade]

ZOMG YAY WACKY HINDU GODS LOL



I am just gonna post this picture whenever my life feels too fucking ridiculous to handle. Because nothing is more ridiculous than this picture.

Dear friends, as if it wasn't stressful enough that I'm covering for two people at work right now plus being directly supervised by the office bully, the wee sister and I are heading off to a Family Reunion for the weekend. This would be fine if it were Paternal Family, who are all very dark and warm and jolly and love each other. Unfortunately, it is Maternal Family, who all put on airs and talk about how wonderful they are and carry grudges until death. They're like Lucille Bluth and Emily Gilmore but without the fun and compassion.

... Okay, not *all* of them are like this, but there's a distinct meanness to them that I'm not looking forward to.

PLUS we will be in rural panhandle Texas, in a little dry town (a DRY TOWN! And us, West Indians!! This WILL NOT DO) in what I assume will be sweltering heat.

WHY DID I AGREE TO THIS

Comments

[inkstone]

:stares at picture::

...I'm sorry. I need to go away for a bit and collect myself. Whatever I was going to say was blasted away by that picture.

[bossymarmalade]

Precisely what makes it so useful in distracting one from other pain! JUST SUCCUMB TO ITS NONSENSICALNESS, V.

[inkstone]

Do you know how long I spent trying to figure out if the peacock feather was originally part of the dress or if the model just stuck it down the front of her dress? DO YOU?!

[impertinence]

and...peacock feather? what. WHAT.

oh reunions. I went to one once where I was sent to feed ducks during picture time because I was step-family. \o/ good luck dealing with yours.

[bossymarmalade]

Peacock feathers give them that special EXOTIC touch!

I was sent to feed ducks during picture time because I was step-family

WHAT THE FUCK I CAN'T EVEN

I don't anticipate any shenanigans like that, although to be honest, I haven't seen a lot of these people since I was little or ... ever ... so anything's possible. Thank you for the good wishes, bb!

[haddayr]

Oh, DEAR.

The photo leaves me speechless so I will just say: :pat pat: in response to your family trip.

[bossymarmalade]

Thank you for the sympathy! Despite my inflicting that picture on you. *g*

[ladyjax]

You just had to share that picture. I see how you roll.

Srsly, though. I understand the family drama. A dry town? WTH? Oh Texas*, never change.

(*I went to TCU in Ft. Worth for a few years in the 80s and had never run into the whole dry town concept before)

[bossymarmalade]

That picture is a photographic representation of my PAAAAAAAIN. Also my inborn love for peacock feathers.

Dry towns are so weird. It's legal to bring liquor into them, right? I just can't buy it there?

[maschalismos]

[pipes up]

Don't know for sure how legal it is to bring liquor into dry places, but as someone who father's side of the family still live in dry counties in MS, I can say this: Just because you live/stay in a dry town? Doesn't mean you won't find booze. I doubt my folks would care if bringing booze in were legal or not because they'd more than likely shoot whoever tried to take it from them. Especially after they had to drive 3 towns over just to get it.

So, yes. SNEAK YOUR BOOZE IN, IT IS THE ONLY WAY TO SURVIVE.

[glass_icarus]

.______.

*hugs!*

[bossymarmalade]

Thank you, sugarplum!!

[glockgal]

LOLLL that's it - when we get back, we're creating that blog I was mentioning and then Yeloson and Delux_Vivens had to peer pressure me and now I really totally want to. YOU HAVE TO DO IT AS WELL OR ELSE IT WILL FALL APART.

Just prepare yourself for the worst, and then everything that'll happen will be awesome! Also - remember:
1) you'll never see them again
2) they'll all try to be fakey-fakey, which is NASTY but then you don't have to feel obliged to make eye contact or even listen to what they have to say.
3) NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN. They're all waaayyy all over in all those places and we're here.

Sigh. I wish you COULD meet up with Dad's side instead. When I went for big bro's wedding, it truly felt like coming home.

[bossymarmalade]

MY FAVOURITE PART IS HOW IT'S SO OBVIOUSLY KRISHNA AND NOT SARASWATI LIKE THE TWEE ETSY WRITE-UP CLAIMS

I will ttly be part of your blog, you know that! It can partner with the Red Dress Press so then we can do it under our real names.

The only reasons this reunion will even be tolerable are a) Arlene and b) you, because at least the two of you will recognize whatever commess goes on!

[glockgal]

(lol I didn't realize the image was a link) *click* OMG WTF THE FUCKING IDIOT CAN YOU NOT SEE THE FLUTE AND THE COWS - OH WAIT YOU DON'T ACTUALLY HAVE TO KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT HINDUISM, IN FACT IT'S PROBABLY MORE FUNNY-CUTE THAT YOU'RE A FUCKING IDIOT ABOUT IT, RIGHT.

I want to get an account on Etsy just so I can ream her out.

Oh wait, that's what our blog will be for. LOL I anticipate Etsy will be our first stop to get content rolling!

[delux-vivens.livejournal.com]

Krishna, Saraswati, it's all Brahman, why get so upset?

I mean clearly this was done by someone whose finger is taped to the beating pulse of Hindu scholarship.

[delux-vivens.livejournal.com]

Yeloson and Delux_Vivens had to peer pressure me

wait. i did what?

[glockgal]

I'm totally using your good name to further my nefarious needs, of course! I mean.... >.>

[delux-vivens.livejournal.com]

Darn your scary orc tactics!

[paintyourlunch]

Wack picture is wack.

<3

[bossymarmalade]

Your icon sums up everything I want to say!!

*mwah*

[cathybites]

The only way that picture could be better (or, really I guess, worse) is if she'd been wearing a feather headdress. I'm actually kind of surprised that she's not.

[glockgal]

I guess she can tell the difference between 'dot' and '(non-peacock) feather'??!!!! TEE HEE I KNOW WHAT RACISM IS, SO IT'S FUNNY BECAUSE IT'S IRONIC!!!!!!!!!!

[bossymarmalade]

But would it be made of turkey feathers or PEACOCK feathers?!?!?

[cathybites]

Duh, it'd be eagle feathers so she can better harnass the power of her chi as she worships Pele.

[tallycola.livejournal.com]

I want to marry this comment.

[bossymarmalade]

Or better yet MARRY CATHY!

[duraflame]

I want there to be so much shit talk about the nonsense that goes on on Etsy. Aiiiiiiiiiiigh.

I'm terribly sorry that you have to go to Texas and aren't allowed to drink while you're there. :(

[bossymarmalade]

I am assuming that we can bring booze into the town, we just can't buy it there?!? Because if I'm wrong, I will be SECRETING FLASKS OF RUM ALL OVER MY PERSON before I enter.

It's too bad Regretsy seemed to be run by nasty trollish types, because that was the closest thing I've seen to taking the piss out of the more awful Etsy types!

[duraflame]

I highly recommend many flasks! :O Also empty perfume bottles and those little keychain pill holders. :D

Oh my god, a non-obnoxious Etsy Calling Out site would be amazing. So many times I've started posts about some horrible racism on the forums (paraphrase, "I'm not racist, I'd say the exact same thing about a shop started by white people in Asia!") or even just the rampant bizarre paranoia there, but didn't have the eloquence to go beyond "SHUT UP NOOOW!" I wish there were a note feature for sellers on Etsy so I could know who to never buy from based on their behavior in the forums. :(

Sorry for the rage spew. I have a lot of feelings about Etsy, apparently. :(

[bossymarmalade]

That would be like an Etsy Public Service, for sure. Thank goodness I've never visited any of the forums!!

[torachan]

Yeah, I used to really like Regretsy at first, but I had to drop them when the owner and all the commenters had some big ablist fuck-up (I think they were told the word retarded was uncool and so then they made a point to say it over and over and top each other with how much more insulting they could be. I forget the details, but I just remember being aghast).

[everysecondtuesday]

But how are you expected to survive a family reunion without alcohol? Does not compute.

[bossymarmalade]

I KNOW RIGHT

By the end of it I anticipate I will go lie down in a field and let the biting flies have me.

OMG! That THING gets uglier if you click on it!

[dakiwiboid]

And poor you! The only things I can think of that are worse than being stuck with family all weekend are being stuck with them all weekend in a rural town in sweltering heat without booze. Can you BYOB and a swamp cooler and pretend you aren't related to these people?

Re: OMG! That THING gets uglier if you click on it!

[bossymarmalade]

I don't know much about dry towns, but I'm assuming we can still bring booze *in*? Otherwise I'm'a be travelling out of town a lot!

Considering how little I actually know these people, pretending to not be related might be the easiest thing all weekend, hee!

[delux-vivens.livejournal.com]

"*Featured in Bride and Groom of Space Coast- May Eco-wedding issue!"

that kinda says it all.

[bossymarmalade]

omg, I missed that part! It makes the whole shitfest even better, which in this case is synonymous with even worse!!

[goss]

AHAHAHA. Goddess of KNOWLEDGE indeed. :b

[bossymarmalade]

AHAHAHAHAHAH I KNOW RIGHT

The sad part is that clueless people will read that and be all, "wow, she really sounds like she knows what she's talking about! that saraswati sounds cool!" And while Saraswati IS awesome, I doubt she would be thrilled about her name being applied to a picture of Krishna.

Krishna would find it hilarious, though, I'm pretty sure. *g*

[sajia_kabir]

She can't even tell male and female Hindu deities apart. He Allah.

[rural_juror]

I imagine the shoot, the model asking if she should like glue some rhinestones on her face wouldn't that be ~authentic and the art director would say omg no! hdu you suggest that! have you no respect?!? that is so 1997!

I WISH YOU LEVEL 90 BS SHIELDS FOR THE VISIT and a sudden yet welcome cooling off of Texas.

[zephre]

I wish you were going to be closer to my bit of the state, I'd totally offer you guys an escape by visiting one of our awesome parks or art museums. :P

good luck with your trip!

[meanheans]

Girl, y'all just get to the next county over and pick up a couple sixers, some ice, and a cooler. Sure, that'll cost a bit and all probably come from a Wal-mart, but sacrifices must be made for sanity!

And yeah, dry counties/towns just mean no alcohol sale. They can't prohibit consumption.

(Wish you were closer to South Texas, I'd totally come with my tan Latina ass and some Shiner Bock and crash the party!)

[glockgal]

and all probably come from a Wal-mart

I've been to the US like three times already this year, in completely different states and everything - and still nothing prepares me for this concept. Buying bottles of liquor in places that aren't designated liquor stores. Like...like Wal-Marts.


YEEEHAAAWWWW!

[kerri]

It boggled my mind when I went to Quebec and saw alcohol in the grocery stores there... So odd!

[torachan]

Some parts of the US can only sell liquor in liquor stores. But other places (like where I am!) it's in every grocery store, Costco, etc. (We still have liquor stores, though. Just in case you didn't have enough liquor elsewhere, I guess.)

[florence_craye]

I was baffled when I went to chicago for the first time and saw Vodka in the grocery store... :D :D :D :D

TN has the weird liquor laws. Not only do we have some dry counties (including the one where Jack Daniels is made), but we have a strange system of where you can sell different types of alcohol:

beer: grocery stores, liquor stores
wine, liquor & high alcohol content beers: liquor stores only

And if a liquor store wants to sell regular beer and high alcohol content beer and wine and the rest of it, they have to separate the regular beer from the rest of it... bwah!?!

But you can make and drink moonshine anywhere as long as you don't get caught. XD

IDK...

[willow]

Jesus turning water into wine would make a very interesting clubbing dress. Though little refillable cups of wine on the shirt would be a bit much.

Re: IDK...

[inkstone]

Though little refillable cups of wine on the shirt would be a bit much.

::dies::

[frangipani]

I. Oh my god. And she's so happy and got the model all twirly about that dress. What, she couldn't have use Google to double-check?

Many well-wishes for your surviving the family reunions. And much, much sympathy. For damn near a decade, every year I was dragged by my mother to family reunions on the maternal side: all extremely conservative Muslims who didn't even bother gossiping behind my back about my parents' fucked-up relationship. The food was wonderful, but I would happily forever pass up the chance to eat my aunts' ketupat palas and rendang daging if it means I'll never have to endure another side-eye and a passive-aggressive interrogation from a relative ever again.

[ciderpress]

if there is no alcohol, sometimes, faking amnesia works, especially for family feuds and grudges. ♥

re: the dress, one almost wonders if she's wearing matching shiva underwear. almost.

[sinensis]

if it were underwear that would transform or destroy itself, now that could be entertaining.

[devilc]

PLUS we will be in rural panhandle Texas, in a little dry town (a DRY TOWN! And us, West Indians!! This WILL NOT DO) in what I assume will be sweltering heat.

I don't know whether to extend my deepest sympathies, or laugh until I fall out of the chair.

You may have to pack your own booze.

Or, if you can PM me with the name of the town, I can find the nearest wet town/county for you.

[arallara]

Oh god. Just, OH GOD, to all of it!! As both a Child of White Hippies and a Friend of White Hipsters, I'm cringing so hard with familiarity and frustration when I look at that picture. ICK. And just, argh, reunion, in TEXAS NO ALCHOHOL WTF??? Looks like you've gotten lots of good advice here for surviving it, so I'll just send you a ton of good wishes that it's all less horrible than you expect in some way. :)

[iamnaiad]

As both a Child of White Hippies...

I'm pretty sure I've seen that picture in a family album somewhere. The recognition is a slap in the face with embarrassment, isn't it?

No alcohol, Maggie? I'm thinking hip flask and vodka disguised as water. No one has to know, and desperate times etc. (Not that I'm seriously advocating taking booze into a dry zone, but the plotting could sooth your senses in the mean time.)

[kerri]

I wonder how she'd react if someone corrected her... *facepalms*

I can't help thinking that if I'd had alcohol at some of the family reunions I went to as a teen, I might have enjoyed them more... -g-

[mumblemutter]

That slip is epic. I WANT ONE.

(Enjoy your reunion, dollface. Ur, by enjoy clearly I mean "I hope the Gods bestow you with alcohol falling from the sky like manna" or something.)

[lilacsigil]

I'm a teetotaller, but I have to say "snobby side of the family" (if they're anything like mine) plus "West Texas" sounds like it would drive me to drink in five minutes flat. Good luck!

[vangirl]

...I don't know much about Hindu but I'm going to assume the model knows even less.

...The peacock feather adds a nice "what the frak" touch.