lousy smarch weather

[bossymarmalade]

eeeeeeeeee!

omg I love mailing-list fic

“Hush sweetheart, you’re safe now, you’re safe.” Joshua’s mother rocked him carefully in her arms, just as she had done for the past year. She stroked the little hair he had left and caressed the un-burnt side of his face, “it’s over my angel, it’s a nightmare, just a nightmare.” Only it wasn’t a nightmare and she knew it. She knew that every night since Joshua’s rejected boyfriend had callously set him on fire out side the school that he relived it over and over.

Poor JC! Tony took being dumped badly and threw a beaker of gasoline (?!?) on him and then lit 'im up! And now Joshua has to return to school and see the scorchmark that the school board didn't bother to clean up, and he wanders through school being known as "badly burned boy", and people bully him for being all crispy:

The youth sniffed at the air, then sniffed at him. “Can anyone else smell burning?” he asked in a loud voice. Joshua staggered from the vicious remark, his heart tearing in two.

*weeps for deepfried JC*

But no fear! Joey the Italian saves him (even though Justin and Lance are a little put off by the delicious smell of barbecue that JC emanates) and jokes around to lighten the mood before they head off to Mickey D's:

“Watch it small fry, I may just have to hang you naked from your ankles from the flag pole.” Joey wrestled with the smaller younger man, grabbing hold of his wrists and forcing him to cross his arms over his chest. “Hey guys, I got an idea, lets tickle Justin and see if we can make him piss himself.”

...ooooohkay, then. And JC ingratiates himself by cracking wise about how between Justin stinking of piss and his own charred aroma (does he have the sweet smell of bacon, I wonder?, they'd put all the diners at McDonalds' off their food. I...there are no words. I only hope I can one day have a badly burned boy of my very own. Although he may have to deal with the cruelty of the jocks:

Joey had more than a passing word with the jocks that had thought it funny leave him burned toast on his [JC's] desk.

Huh -- the jocks in *my* school made fun of the girl with Down Syndrome in our Law class. Toast seems pretty harmless. They made him breakfast!

But then, JC seems to have friends who are blind and/or stupid, because:

Justin watched from the school steps as Josh got out of his mom’s car. He gasped as his friend turned to kiss his mother on the cheek, seeing something he had never seen before. The un-burned side profile of Josh was turned to him. Justin’s breath caught in his throat, Joshua was beautiful. He looked as if he had been carved in ice, soft smooth white skin, high aristocratic forehead, chiselled cheeks and full pouting mouth.

They've been friends for, like, weeks now, and Justin's only NOW realized that half of JC's face is unburned! aaaaahahahha!!

Then, there comes something I find violently appealing:

Just like two face in batman Justin thought to himself.

-- because, um -- JC as Two-Face? Oh dear god yes. Ex-bestfriends with Brucie! Bipolar and obsessed with duality! Hitting on Montoya during No Man's Land! eeeeeeeeee!

But anyway, the story. So JC had a breakdown on his precious ol' scorchmark, and his friends resolve to clean up the evidence of this hideous hate crime since obviously the school district doesn't give a damn. Unfortunately, JC's grease spot proves more stubborn than anticipated, but Lance has a Plan B. Oh, I'm not gonna tell you what that is yet -- you have to keep reading to find out. Stay with me here.

Anyhow, Roy and Karen send JC to a convalescence home, presumably because they're tired of the scent of frizzled pork that pervades their house. Six months pass, and Justin yaks on the phone with JC and apparently has some kind of Christian fit and needs to know if JC has forgiven Tony:

On the end of the phone a tear ran down Josh’s face. “I can’t, I can’t think about it, it hurts Justin. I still wake up at nights screaming. It’s not as bad as it used to be, but it still happens and I feel it as if it was happening all over again, and the smell, I’ll never forget the smell.”

We know.

And, um -- maybe it's just because I'm not a parent, but Karen's thoughts concerning her son make NO SENSE to me. Can somebody please explain? I'm terribly, desperately confused.

Karen let Justin in and went to call Joshua, he’d been home a whole week and he had only had one nightmare, and now Justin was calling around, things were looking up for her baby. She watched from the corner of her eye as Justin brushed himself down and took deep breaths. She had been disappointed when Josh had come out to her and Roy but she understood, how couldn’t she? She loved her son, pure and simple. All she wanted was for him to be happy again and if it took a blue-eyed jock to do that then so be it.

She went into the kitchen and listened at the door, hoping what she thought was about to happen happened.

Weh?

And then Roy (who isn't thrilled about his boy being a fairy, but will deal bravely with it) joins her and they listen at the DOOR while Justin confesses his Big Gay Love to Joshua "Luau Pig" Chasez. wtf?

Also, I may have to review my idea of Karen as a good and kind, loving mother:

The blond closed the space between them and trailed his fingers down Joshua’s face, tracing the burns that spread over his once soft skin. He leaned in, brushing his lips over the stunned brunettes. No one not even his mother had ever touched his scars before; they only ever touched his unburned skin. Joshua moaned throatily as Justin’s tongue slipped into his mouth, exploring every millimetre.

awwww, Justin's love is so metric. And, um -- not even JC's MOM would touch his hideous, grilled flesh? Adding this to the fact that JC likes to play the piano, and there can only be one thing this story is telling me:

JC = Phantom of the Opera

"Physical beauty fades with age, but what you have is much, much more. Your beauty comes from within; it shines like an aura everywhere you go. I want to bask in that aura Josh, I want to spend the rest of my days bathed in your beauty. I love you Joshua, I’ll always love you.”

The .. The scars will never go, you know that don’t you?”

“What scars? I don’t see any scars. Justin lifted Joshua’s chin, tilting his face so that he could reach his lips once more.

omg their love is so beautiful. Justin is a Whitney Houston song and JC smells like a baked ham. I could die happy.

Oh, except I haven't shared what it was that Lance painted over JC's barbecue pit. Get ready for it:

The foursome approached the main entrance of the school, the place where nearly two years previously Joshua had been so viciously attacked. Joshua stopped staring in awe. On the ground where the scorch mark had been was a massive red rose. Joshua’s eyes welled as he read the inscription that surrounded it.

Objects and people may look beautiful, but true beauty comes from within.

I swear to God, I wish I could come up with plotlines like these. And I mean that in a completely non-mocking way. A MASSIVE RED ROSE! Best thing EVER.

Comments

[wgsarah.livejournal.com]

Okay, if Lance is Robin and JC is Harvey... have we plotted the rest of this out yet? We must have.

::roots for Chris as the Penguin::

[bossymarmalade.livejournal.com]

Tee! I like the idea of interspersing them among the Batcanon. So, like - Christina could be Poison Ivy, and according to katemonkey's brilliance Justin is The Image, and Chris as the Penguin! hee! So perfect.

[lcsbanana.livejournal.com]

oh my god.

OH my GOD.

my head hurts from laughing. it really does.

JESUS PIE. how--how--

all CRISPY!!!!!!

*convulses*

[bossymarmalade.livejournal.com]

I swear, loving detail on just how burned-up he was. I had a mental image of JC wandering around smoking from being burned. Hah1

[kiffle.livejournal.com]

I want to know *exactly* what's involved in basking in Josh's aura. Is it like rolling around in bacon grease? I'm sorry, sweet smelling bacon grease?

Luau Pig Chasez!

Maggie, I love you.

[bossymarmalade.livejournal.com]

*giggles in delight*

mmmmm, Josh's sweet sweet ass and his aroma of sweet sweet bacon! How could anybody resist?

[cathexys.livejournal.com]

Thank you, thank you, thank yuo for reading these for us. I doubt I could survive the unedited and -abbreviated version *g*

If I had to pick my favorite part...oh so many to pick from..yes, the parents listening at the door when JC and Justin declare their love...wtf is that about?

Is it just me or is it coincidence that most of these are Joshtin ???

[bossymarmalade.livejournal.com]

It is no coincidence. Joshtin has a long and lovely history of having the MOST CRACKED-OUT FIC ever to grace the fandom. ^_^

And hey, it might be a public service but damn do I ever enjoy reading them. There's something so appealing about never knowing where the hell these stories are going to end up!

Roy and Karen know how to look after their kid, I tells ya. They'll probably give him a nice asbestos bodysuit for his first date with Justin.

[lemniskate.livejournal.com]

gah. this is amazingly, pricelessly, stupefyingly bad. I love it!

" Justin is a Whitney Houston song and JC smells like a baked ham. I could die happy."

I laugh, and laugh, and then I laugh some more.

[bossymarmalade.livejournal.com]

Your laughter is all I could ask for, baby. Well, and perhaps some odour neutralizer for JC.

*g*

[demrepic.livejournal.com]

which mailing list is this, and where do I sign up? because really, with plots like that, I um, have you read the one where Justin turns into a horse?

[bossymarmalade.livejournal.com]

Hee! You mean there are people who haven't read the one where Justin turns into a horse? That's just wrong.

I believe it's a Josh&Justin list or some such thing, but any *nsync fic mailing list will be full of such delights. Just find one with the pairing of your choice! *g*

[fluffontop.livejournal.com]

Bwahahaha! That was the funniest thing EVER. And Deepfried!JC is now my favouritest JC out of all of them.

thank you, baby.

--Capp.

[bossymarmalade.livejournal.com]

deepfried!JC isn't as fattening as you would think! But be careful, contents may be HOT.

*giggle*

[loveflyfree.livejournal.com]

eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!

poor bbq!jc.

I don't understand where they come up with these plotlines. It's unreal. I just. It's too much.

the smell! the smell!!!

ahahahahahahahahaha

*dies*

[bossymarmalade.livejournal.com]

It's so marvelous! I admire the unfettered craziness, really I do. A rose! I didn't see that coming one fucking bit! aaahahahha!

Really schizophrenic, dude.

[northern]

Duality!JC. Mmm... Something's just snapped inside of him. He walks around playing with a coin, turning it around and around inside his hand. Anyone asking him a question has to wait while he flings the coin high in the air, always catching it easily. He closes his eyes, puts his fingers on the coin resting in the palm of his hand, and answers your question. It might be a lie, it might be a truth, and sometimes you don't know why it should really matter. He'll just ignore you after giving you the answer, walk away squeezing the coin tightly inside his fist, head ducked to make his hair fall forward. You wonder if his palm has scarred yet.

Re: Really schizophrenic, dude.

[bossymarmalade.livejournal.com]

oh. my. GOD!!

That's so fucking brilliant -- the coin flipping so high, his hair falling over his face -- it's absolutely perfect. wow. Utterly delicious and I love love LOVE you, sugarplum.

*snuggle*

[callmesandy.livejournal.com]

I misread "brunettes [sic]" as "briquettes." Which made me laugh even harder. He's a charcoal briquet! Or however that's spelled.

Also, is it just me or are Joshua's parents the stupidest people in the world? Because, yo, sue the fucking school district! Pay for the reconstructive surgery with the sweet sweet millions from those civil liberty flouting bastages. Man, am I the only one who loves a lawsuit?

[bossymarmalade.livejournal.com]

You are so right! I guess Roy and Karen are too busy eavesdropping to think of getting restitution. They probably didn't bother to press charges against Tony, either.

And, a charcoal briquette! That's so excellent! aaahahaah! Justin loves him a good rack of barbecued ribs.

[silvrsolace.livejournal.com]

BWahahahahahaha...

~~~~
"Physical beauty fades with age, but what you have is much, much more. Your beauty comes from within; it shines like an aura everywhere you go. I want to bask in that aura Josh, I want to spend the rest of my days bathed in your beauty. I love you Joshua, I’ll always love you.”
~~~~

and this comes from Justin...the big gay JOCK?! fuck me! this is the most hilarious thing in the world...especially because the thought of JC as Scorched pork only makes me think longingly for a Mcgirdle! mmmm...JC McGirdle!!! *sigh*

also...

-- because, um -- JC as Two-Face? Oh dear god yes. Ex-bestfriends with Brucie! Bipolar and obsessed with duality! Hitting on Montoya during No Man's Land! eeeeeeeeee!

guh! OH GOD YES!!! about the only good thing. and I'm sure you know what I'm thinking about with this! *devilish*

[bossymarmalade.livejournal.com]

You're thinking of them having sex, aren't you? Fucking prevert. *g*

[katienyc.livejournal.com]

HEEEEEEEEE!!

Oh MY god. This is priceless. Comedy gold, I tell you. I laughed so hard that I cried. Crispy!JC. The smell!! heh. How do people come up with this stuff????

[bossymarmalade.livejournal.com]

If I knew how they came up with it, I'd be smoking the same crack faster than you could say "JC's beautiful aura." Hee!

[overloved.livejournal.com]

I love JC. And I love the smell of BBQ. What could be better than a JC who smells like roast pork?! Man, I'm both hungry and turned on.

And your commentary made me laugh until my stomach was aching.

[bossymarmalade.livejournal.com]

aaaaaaaahahhahaha! He's a hottie, he's a boyfriend -- he's a meal!

You are *so* cute. *snuggle*

[flabbergast.livejournal.com]

Aaaaahahahahaha! Oh, badfic, how I've missed thee.

So. If the red rose is "massive," exactly how big is it? Because that word makes it sound like it's at least the size of a tree. But maybe that's just me.

Also, I'm so going to call Justin the blue-eyed jock from now on. Or, y'know, not.

[mumblemutter.livejournal.com]

ahaha! I was like...wait, it's a rose? Aren't roses tiny? What kind of rose is it? Is it a painting of a rose? A rose bush? And it's really sad how I sat there seriously thinking about it.

deepfried!JC+blueeyedjock!Justin=4evah!

sun

[katlike.livejournal.com]

One can only hope that the sequel will feature details of their sweet, sweet lovemaking, in which Justin gently pierces JC's flesh with cloves, making the shape of a heart on his chest, and then uses small pieces of pineapple to spell out JC + Justin, covering JC's skin with the glazings of love.

[tear]

[ethrosdemon.livejournal.com]

I'm in love with you.

Can we move in together next to the bbq pit that JC opened down the street?

[joanp.livejournal.com]

dear god! I only made it as far as the initial conflagration before deleting that little mess. So it was hilarious to read your, ahem, comments. This girl is a JC torturer of the highest degree. Her last pieces revolved around Justin being the abuser and poor little JC the abused. Just like real life!!!! LMFAO--Joan

[bossymarmalade.livejournal.com]

*giggle* I've avoided most of her other stuff because it's just plain boring, but this one? Ohhhh, I love it!

[navia.livejournal.com]

They've been friends for, like, weeks now, and Justin's only NOW realized that half of JC's face is unburned!

In defense of fic!Justin, I think he just hadn't realized, until that moment, how truly beautiful JC is. ::sniff:: Such a touching love story, thanks for sharing.

[bossymarmalade.livejournal.com]

*g* You crazy person. You would think so.

[ethrosdemon.livejournal.com]

I see that you're mission in life is to cause me to have a stroke from laughing my ass off.

while Justin confesses his Big Gay Love to Joshua "Luau Pig" Chasez.

What can I say to this? I mean, you are INSPIRED.

Uh. This is a real fic? This wasn't some deranged joke? I know it's real, but WHAT? Ok, what list was this on?

[bossymarmalade.livejournal.com]

I's off some Josh&Justin yahoo list, or something like that. That's where all the good stuff is, baby!
Joshtin 4 eva!

mmmm, JC with a side of poi....

[tallories.livejournal.com]

To borrow an icon from the wonderful zannechaos:

[bossymarmalade.livejournal.com]

Oh, but I love badfic! Really and truly. My life would be a sadder place without it. *g*

[claire.livejournal.com]

Bwahahahahahahahahaha!!!

Hahahahahaaahaha

*tries to stop laughing*

*fails*

Ahahahahaha!

(am eating barbeque flavoured potato chips while reading this - they have just been renamed JC flavoured ;)

[bossymarmalade.livejournal.com]

aaahahhahha! Oh, JC. The amount of times they mentioned his smell in the fic just killed me. Hee!

[charlidos.livejournal.com]

Oh god. Thanks for that! :) I was once on a JuC-list, but it was far more than I could bear. There were many, many tales of a very...uhm... interesting nature. Never did I see one about BBQ!JC, alas. What is even more interesting is the amount of very positive fb these stories get. Apparently, there are many people who find great joy in these very imaginative tales. I just don't think it's the same kind of joy that we feel upon reading them... ;)

[bossymarmalade.livejournal.com]

I used to be meaner about my appreciation of these, but now -- I really and truly do love them. They're so sweet and deluded! I want to tuck every one of these teenies in bed at night and have them tell me stories. ^_^

[epicflailer.livejournal.com]

*FALLS OVER LAUGHING SO HARD*

oh, bad fic! <33333 NEVER LEAVE ME.