bossymarmalade | maybe you could've been "nicer" to principal skinner....

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maybe you could've been "nicer" to principal skinner....

Oh yes, it's that time again. You know you want to read the teeniefic, especially since this one stars as its villains -- Lynn Harless and Trace Ayala! Strap in, y'all,

First of all, the author posted an unbeta'd version to the list, then posted this one with apologies. That makes it good before it even starts, but she quickly ups the ante with the first line:

A very dejected young man, with extremely short hair, sat on the sofa in a plain, ordinary room.

I don't know about you, but I can tell it's Justin RIGHT AWAY. To be honest, I wasn't paying attention until I came to this:

But, it was going to be all over soon; he would be back with his friends, his family, and Lynn Harless and Trace Ayala could go to hell.

Because, omg! Lynn! My darling Lynn!! What could she have done to make Justin consign her to the pits?!? Oh, and Trace too.

Now, either I'm particularly thick or the writing is particularly cryptic, because Justin scampers backstage after a show (which apparently ends EXACTLY AT MIDNIGHT) to find Lynn and Trace, whereupon this perplexing exchange occurrs:

"Justin, Lonnie was here. He said you told him you
wanted to talk to him."

"I did. I do. Where is he, Lynn?"

"Ly..What? Justin, baby boy, wh..."

"SHUT UP!! I found out what you two did! And, for your information,
I sent her packing two hours before the show."

"Her who, swee..."

"I said SHUT UP!! If you must speak to me, you will address me as
Justin or sir."

SIR!! For a moment I'm excited, but then I realize that this isn't that kind of a story. What a waste.

So Lynn asks were Cammy is, and Justin painstakingly tells her in single-word-sentence form that he Sent. Her. AWAY. and then some character description!

Meanwhile, off to the side, Trace Ayala, the "cherubic" sidekick, was watching fascinated, the young man he'd been manipulating for just over two years.

This convinces me that all teeniefic premises could make brilliant fics in the right hands. Hell, I'll be willing to write about Lynn calling Justin "sir" if one've you wants to tackle cherubic Trace being a master manipulator.

Justin (far more politely than he spoke to momma) asks Trace to turn in his keys, his company cards, and his company records. He also wants to know why Trace has done whatever it is he's done. Trace, ever eloquent, rejoinders:

"I was your best friend till those assholes in NSYNC took you away. Hell, they even turned you into a fag."

"I wasn't a "fag", according to you, when you kissed me on the
playground in fifth grade. If anyone made me gay, it was you. It
really doesn't matter, now. I'm getting my real friends back, and I
won't screw things up, again."

"Even that queer JC?"

"If he'll have me, especially him."

Yay! Justin turned gay in fifth grade and loves that queer JC! I can't even come up with something clever to say about this, I love it so much. And then after some more squabbling and Justin being cutting and agitated, Trace utters the most confusing, out-of-the-blue line with strange delivery:

"Jus, dude, chill."

"Trace, DUDE, shut the fuck up! Now, hand me over my property!"

"Sorry, bud, no can do. I need that stuff. I luuurve living the high
life. Hahaha!"

What? He lurves living the high life? wtf is that supposed to mean, and why can't Justin get his stuff back?

Apparently, the answer to that is that Justin is a wussy little punk, because he makes big noise about how he was hoping Trace would resist, but then nothing happens. Like, you'd expect somebody to deck somebody, right? No. A scene of awkward...nothing takes place, which sort of sums up the whole "poleaxed cow" feel of the entire fic:

All emotion dropped off of his former sidekick's face as he stared at his former friend. The woman he once called mother also stood, but she was smiling, trying to convince her son of her sincerity.

"I'm not resisting..."

"Okay, that's it," Justin said collapsing on the sofa, sounding
frustrated. It never dawned on him, when he found things out and
planned his revenge, that these two people who were taking him to the
cleaners were total morons.

Justin's just a big fucking giver-upper. Although I suppose he's depressed that he got hoodwinked for two years by people who have yet to make any sort of logical statement or action. Maybe he's distracted by his mother smiling witlessly at the ceiling. Who knows? It's all part of the atmosphere.

Anyhow, Trace delivers a dire warning for Justin not to count on Eric (Who? What? Am I missing something?) and then Justin walks out on them forEVER. He dusts his heels off pretty fast, too, because precisely ONE WEEK later he has already fired Lynn and Trace from "Tenn-Man Productions" and is flinging lawsuits off at anybody he can.

But! We finally find out the reason he's so pissed at momma's management skillz:

It was itemized and showed every "authorized" purchase, only most of the things bought had been for parties and clubbing, not for Justin's personal use. He knew now that the reasons that he had kept running out of things, and having to send people out for more all the time, was because of Trace and his "entourage".

Ohhh, I can't even get into what a complete lack of Earth logic that is. Because, I mean -- Lynn! Whose son blithely buys her Harleys and Gucci bags and ginormous diamond watches! Yeah, it would make sense for her to squander Justin's money and steal from her own family. And, uh, what would Trace be doing if he couldn't be drinking JD on Justin's stage? Yeah, that's right. Drinking JD under Justin's house. Getting fired from La Timberlake's entourage ain't exactly in his best interests.

So Justin has his life back in-hand, and blames all his bad judgement on his hanging out with "the wrong crowd":

How the
guys had backed him to the hilt, supporting his dream totally, and
he'd turned on them because of his listening to people like Pharrell,
Nelly, Timbaland, the whole crowd, including his mother and
step-father, along with Trace.

The VMA's where his mother convinced him to avoid the guys; the
Grammys with the separate seating; the "dates" his mother arranged,
every little snub and slight he'd given. And, the most painful
memory, how JC had stood by him no matter what, until Cameron.

And all this time we thought Justin had gone diva of his own accord and was single-handedly plotting to screw the rest of the guys and piss on JC's career! Now we know the TRUTH. It was all Lynn.

So what happened, according to this, is that Cammy found Justin and JC sucking face (don't worry, I'm not omitting good parts, it's all narration) and pitched a fit because her girlz would taunt her for dating a fag, so Justin had to play along and be as affectionate as she demanded in public. To be perfectly honest, I think I'd have the same demand, yo.

But anyway -- all of this, every single bit of story up until now, has just been lead-up to what I consider the money shot. It's all just fucking foreplay, man. Because something completely random and inexplicible happens next.

Justin, waiting in his living room to see the guys, hears the front door open. He jumps to his feet and falls over the coffee table. Lying there dazed and mildly concussed on the floor, he hears Lonnie SHOUTING that everybody is there and realizes through a haze of tears that there are people standing over his prone-ass self:

He was especially aware of the gorgeous, long
haired brunet in front of him.

Yes. Oh GOD yes! And the dialogue is BRILLIANT!

"What's wrong, dude?" he heard Joey ask.

"I fell and I can't get up."

"We'll always help you up, sweetheart."

And then Justin is molested by a bunch of Hindu deities, because I can't fucking tell how many people comprise of this writhing mass of limbs!

Then, he felt four pairs of hands pulling him to his feet, and surrounding him with several arms. Two hands, though, wiped the tears from his eyes and face. He smiled into two blue eyes and realized he had his life back on track.

omg I'm SO EXCITED! And then Justin wibblingly asks them how they knew he wanted to see them, and Chris announces that they're the ones who found out Lynn's and Trace's nefarious scheme, and then the BEST FUCKING THING EVER HAPPENS OMG:

As the two blue eyed men meet in a long overdue, highly passionate kiss, the other three surround them and join hands, making an unbreakable circle.

...there are no words. As a JC fan, I think I just had an orgasm.

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An unbreakable circle! OMG. I'm so verklempt now.

Hee. Thank you for sharing that.

He jumps to his feet and falls over the coffee table.
[...] AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHA! Oh, that Justin. Always so graceful.

[flees giggling]

The visual of Joey, Chris and Lance surrounding Justin and JC in an UNBREAKABLE circle (my god, I hope they were singing "Let Me Call You Sweetheart"!) is enough to get me through almost anything.

I hope you get the Let Me Call You Sweetheart thing, or else it really loses something. ;)

Dude, I don't! The joke is lost on me, sadly.

*weeps*

Oh man. At some weddings, there's this thing where everyone holds hands and makes a circle around the couple. Then they sing that song, and they like, go in and out getting super close to the couple then all the way back out in a huge circle. I hate it, it's so corny.

Let me call you "Sweetheart", I'm in love with you
Let me hear you whisper that you love me too.
Keep the love-light glowing in your eyes so true.
Let me call you "Sweetheart," I'm in love with you.

Oh Lord. That's horrendous! I'm glad I never had to experience that in person. *shudder*

Hell, I'll be willing to write about Lynn calling Justin "sir"

As a JC fan, I insist that you right this immediately. OMG, BDSM Lynncest!!! Just when I thought I couldn't sink to a lower level of depravity, someone comes along to prove me wrong. I believe JC would approve.

So, the unbreakable circle? Am I the only one who pictures them skipping around the pair while singing "Ring around the Rosey?" Okay, just me then.

OMG, BDSM Lynncest!!!

ohhhhhh momma. Maybe someday, man, when I don't feel the fires of hell licking at my toes. Hah!

I laughed so hard at this I have tears in my eyes. I blame you. Also, I second what embitca said about you writing it.

HEE!! I love your bad!fic reviews.

When Justin fell over the table, I thought for sure that he was going to have amnesia. Just to make the whole thing that much more ridiculous. heh.

And the unbreakable circle! bwahahahahaha! Best. Thing. Ever.

Amnesia, however, would have prolonged the story, and then I probably wouldn't've been able to get through it. *g* I love badfic, but not the eight-hundred-and-sixty part epics. *G*

Oh no, I was *relieved* that there was no amensia in the fic. I'm proud of the author's ability to use restraint in that instance. *g* Epic!badfic is just too much!

"All emotion dropped off of his former sidekick's face as he stared at his former friend. The woman he once called mother also stood, but she was smiling, trying to convince her son of her sincerity."

LMFAO. I have this image of Raiders of the Lost Ark where the guy's face falls off. Obviously, emotion melts or something. It must be because everyone feels so "former".

Lynn, the woman formerly known as Mother. Is that like the Artist formerly known as Prince?

Another excellent job. Thanks---Joan

I love all the "formers"! They made me laugh so hard. And yes, with the face-melting! That's perfect. *giggle*

More badfic reviews NOW!

As a JC fan I must tell you that me cackling obnoxiously to your review brought my slave to the door demanding I tell him what was so funny that I was choking to death ony my own spit. After I beat him and told him to call me Sir, I came back and finished this brilliant gem of Justinlurve.

Circle of love! And don't you forget it.

The circle of love! Because Joey, Chris and Lance have nothing better to do with their lives than circle around the JuC Kiss of Much Tenderness. Hee!

Hell, I'll be willing to write about Lynn calling Justin "sir" if one've you wants to tackle cherubic Trace being a master manipulator.

as a jc fan, i say, when do we start, honey? because i don't think my trace-motivations have been questioned enough, i might as well just take things (to quote the original tinhat, no?) ass full-throttle in the produce isle.

hehehheh. And if we can manage to get it all into one single fic, all the better!

As the two blue eyed men meet in a long overdue, highly passionate kiss, the other three surround them and join hands, making an unbreakable circle.

*falls off chair laughing*

My roomie: And then they all sing Kumbaya??

Oh, God. That's about the only thing that could make the story worse, yo.

::blinks::

I'm totally confused. Trace made Justin gay but he's the villain?? In what universe???

Although I suppose he's depressed that he got hoodwinked for two years by people who have yet to make any sort of logical statement or action.

Wow, I think this puts a giant hole in the Justin!IS!Smart! theory. Oh wait, no, there's just a giant hole in the brain of the author.

That "wrong crowd" shit makes sense though. My mom's totally the wrong crowd. That bitch is dangerous.

Ant

aahhahahah! But does your mom team up with your cousin to embezzle money from you? Because apparently, that's the going rate for Bad Moms. Heh!

But does your mom team up with your cousin to embezzle money from you?

Are you kidding? She's done it like six or seven times. And not just with my cousin, with my ENTIRE family. What's worse, they all banded together to make. me. gay. in the hopes that later in life I'll find my soulmate/bandmate so they can watch me fall in love and then tear me away and make me hang out with talented, hilarious, fun producers and rappers (villains!) and like, win VMAs and shit. Bitch.

But she makes great cornbread.

Ant

Y'know, I'd be willing to put up with a helluva lot for the sake of good cornbread. mmmmmm.

*snuggle*

This author is obviously way smarter than me, because I'm confused. ;) Trace Ayala and Lynn Harless - those evil, err, masterminds.

An Unbreakable Circle! That sound you heard was me breaking something from laughing. And they'll always help him up! *cries*

Wow.

Hahahahahahahaha.

That's awesome.

I agree with

embitca and think JC would approve of you writing the BDSM Lynncest, but only if Justin is the big ol' nelly bottom.

so Justin had to play along and be as affectionate as she demanded in public. To be perfectly honest, I think I'd have the same demand, yo.

I think I would blackmail Justin and make him cozy up to me in public, too. As a JC fan, I'd also make him let me watch when he and JC went at it.

"We'll always help you up, sweetheart."

Am I the only one who heard Joey delivering this in the voice he used on the Saturday Night Live skit when he said, "We're into the Backstreet Boys."?

Okay, I am the only one, but that's some funny shit going on in my brain, yo. Trust me.

the other three surround them and join hands, making an unbreakable circle.

::holds up lighter and sings::

The circle of liiiiiife
it moves us aaaaaaaaall

only if Justin is the big ol' nelly bottom

mmmmmmm. Now that's the kind of thing I like to hear!

And totally the Lion King song, man. And totally make Justin fuck JC and let me watch. I mean, really -- Cammy's motivations aren't so hard to understand! *g*

And then Justin is molested by a bunch of Hindu deities

Someone must write this fic.

But only, like, five people in all of fandom would get it. I don't know if any Hindu deities have use for Justin, anyway. They'd probably just spear him and eat him.

Shiva opened his third eye and offered the popstar's head to Vishnu on his bloody trident.

"Ew!" Vishnu exclaimed. "What do you expect me to do with that?"

"What?" Shiva brought Justin's severed head close and examined it. "Look how strange his hair is."

Vishnu caressed the lotus in his hand and sighed. "If you don't get that out of my temple, I'm calling Parvati."

Shiva's skulls tapped together as he rose to leave. "Whatever. Killjoy."

Ahahahahahahahahaha.

That's just brilliant.

That's beautiful. You're my hero.

Shiva could always give his little trophy to Kali. Now there's a lady who appreciates a good severed head!

But only, like, five people in all of fandom would get it

You never know. This is the age of International Joshtin. The author of the first-ever archived Spanish Joshtin fic didn't worry about the size of her potential audience, or she wouldn't have bothered.

I don't know if any Hindu deities have use for Justin

My only knowledge ("") of them comes from Christopher Pike's novels (http://www.fantasticfiction.co.uk/authors/Christopher_Pike.htm), so I don't know either. How about an AU?

Aaah, I loved Christopher Pike in my youth! But I don't remember any Hindu deities in his stories.

Off the top of my head, The Cold One (http://books.fantasticfiction.co.uk/n2/n10809.htm?authorid=6893) and The Last Vampire (http://books.fantasticfiction.co.uk/n2/n14748.htm?authorid=6893) both concern Hindu deities.

I loved his stuff too, especially Road to Nowhere and the Final Friends series. What were your favorites?

ETA: it feels weird to think in phrases such as "in my youth" and "back in the days."

True. I'm still in my youth! But I associate him with childhood b/c it was pre-high school. I haven't read any of the ones you named, b/c I had already stopped reading him by then.

My favorite was always Fall Into Darkness. I also enjoyed Remember Me, b/c there was brother/sister incest! CP was so twisted, but I don't think I ever noticed. Hee.

If you must speak to me, you will address me as Justin or sir.

I wasn't a "fag", according to you, when you kissed me on the playground in fifth grade. If anyone made me gay, it was you.

Omg. I think I'm in love with this version of Justin.

The Hindu deities interlude struck fear into my heart.

I don't know why everyone's mocking the unbreakable circle surrounding JC and Justin's true love forever. It sounds like a good idea to me.

Somehow, when you mention that you like the idea of an unbreakable circle around their love, it makes the image less ridiculous and more ominous. *shudder*

Heh. See, you just haven't been reading these stories with the right attitude. Later, they'll perform a blood ritual and sacrifice a virgin fan, all for The Unbreakable Circle.

Oh, my God.

In future, can you mark this stuff as not work safe? 'Cause I got a *very* funny look from my boss as I sat here, tears running down my cheeks, choking with the effort not to laugh.

For some reason, when I started reading I was absolutely sure that Justin was pitching a dive fit because he'd caught Lynn and Trace fucking backstage and was jealous of...well, both of them, probably. So much more logical then money. Plus, then it all leads nicely into the Justin/Lynn/Trace BDSM.

"I fell and I can't get up."

Bwwaaaaaahahahahaaaa.

Justin/Lynn/Trace BDSM

hmmmm...now there's and idea worth some time and effort and planning! Or maybe I'll just fantasize it all and never get around to writing it. Either way, good times for me! *g*

Next time, maybe you can read excerpts to your boss? He might like a bit of badfic in his life!

That you're making sport of the writings of a disabled individual? Kinda makes you feel all warm and superior, doesn't it?

Um, if you're trying to make me feel bad, you've completely failed. Badfic is badfic, no matter who writes it; same with good fic, incidentally.

If the author wants to guilt-trip people into only saying nice things about her fic, perhaps she should mention upfront that she's disabled and therefore needs to be handled with kid gloves and a different set of rules?

Thank you for playing!

Quite welcome. Interesting.

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maybe you could've been "nicer" to principal skinner....

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I'm here because ethrosdemon made me

Re: I'm here because ethrosdemon made me

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Did you know

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