miss maggie (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
bossymarmalade) wrote2002-10-04 09:42 am
bossymarmalade) wrote2002-10-04 09:42 am
Entry tags:
screw flanders
"Austin Clarke's deeply sensual novel spins out as Mary Mathilda confesses to the murder of her lover, the wealthy owner of a plantation on the West Indian island of Bimshire."
...is it wrong of me to find it exceedingly funny that the name of this novel is The Polished Hoe?
Anyhow. In case you guys think I don't care anymore--here's another set of .
Farewell My Concubine: I'd seen this before, but wanted to watch it again. It was every bit as lovely and harsh and entwining as I remembered it, although this time I liked Gong Li's character a little more. Last time I was sore with her for getting beween the boylove. But I've discovered that if you cast the main pair as Joey and JC, and then the girl as Justin, it all works out nicely.
...*sigh*. Is there nothing that can't be made better by slash?
The Frederickville Experiment: I'm not even sure if that's the right name, and I don't really care. Because If I strapped a camcorder and an eightball of coke to a golden retriever and sent it running down Hastings Street past the junkies and homeless people, it would be a far better movie.
High Art: Um, okay--it's not. It's boring. It's so boring that Lori and I stopped halfway through and haven't had the heart to finish watching it yet. We've instead learned to distract ourselves by hunting spiders and then throwing them outside with a big fanfare. Because that's far more exciting. I mean, really--how hard is it to inject an interesting plotline into a movie filled with photography and femlove and drugs? Not very fucking hard, imho. And yet, they cock it up!
The Uninvited: Olde black and white thriller, and damned if I can remember who any of the actors were. But it was good--snappy banter, spookiness, mystery, and a truly chilling ghost. Seriously, we were scared. But then, when it comes to the supernatural I get scared by, like, strong breezes, so take that as you will.
The Net: I don't even have anything of use to say about this, because we spent the whole movie making fun of Sandra Bullock's ugly white camel-toe neck-high jeans. That costumer was sadistic--although if that sadism was directed more towards Sandy or the audience, I don't know.
Dances With Wolves: A lot more fun if you ad-lib all the Sioux complaining about the way Kevin Costner smells.
Hear No Evil: I don't think I'll ever be able to watch a D.B. Sweeney movie without thinking of Bayliss from Homicide. Really, it's uncanny how similar they look!
As for the movie itself--uh, I'd better plead the Fifth on this one. Because I quite enjoyed it, but it's D.B. and Marlee Matlin. Yes, that's right--back when Hollywood thought, "Hey, a hot deaf chick! I think I've got a script for a deaf chick somewhere around here! It'll be an instant hit, because how can you be mean to a deaf chick? She's deaf, for Chrissake!!", they made this movie. And then I proceeded to be politically incorrect in all sorts of awful ways. I swear,![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
chootoy kept looking furtively around her apartment like some nitpicking PC-Police would jump out at her.
And that's all I'm gonna say about that.
New Waterford Girl: An indie film! A Canadian indie film! A funny, smart, interesting Canadian indie film! I may just pee myself in surprise. It's about Moony, a bookish girl in Cape Breton who longs to see life outside her small town. She comes up with what she feels will be a foolproof plan for getting out, and along the way befriends Lou, a girl from the Bronx who moves in nextdoor. Plus, Andrew McCarthy's in it! Looking damn good! And so are Cathy Moriarty and Nicholas Campbell! Who you probably won't know unless you're Canadian, but, y'know.
Angela's Ashes: After a while, whenever something good happened, Lori and I would ask, "Did a baby die?" Because that seemed to be the pattern. The McCourts get a break in life, then a baby dies. Apart from infant mortality, it was a pretty good movie, if you like that kind of hard-luck coming-of-age thing (which I do, I'm waiting impatiently for Igby Goes Down). Except, Angela never died! So there were never any ashes! What the hell? Everybody else in the damn movie died! Couldn't they have her keel over just so the title would make sense?
And hey, was that little redheaded kid Seamus from the Harry Potter movie?
...so, reading it over, this post is rife with political incorrectness and basic callousness. Don't take offense, kiddies--it's all in good satirical fun, okay?
[Edit]: On second thought, if you're offended--screw you, buddy! Don't join if you can't take a joke!
...is it wrong of me to find it exceedingly funny that the name of this novel is The Polished Hoe?
Anyhow. In case you guys think I don't care anymore--here's another set of .
Farewell My Concubine: I'd seen this before, but wanted to watch it again. It was every bit as lovely and harsh and entwining as I remembered it, although this time I liked Gong Li's character a little more. Last time I was sore with her for getting beween the boylove. But I've discovered that if you cast the main pair as Joey and JC, and then the girl as Justin, it all works out nicely.
...*sigh*. Is there nothing that can't be made better by slash?
The Frederickville Experiment: I'm not even sure if that's the right name, and I don't really care. Because If I strapped a camcorder and an eightball of coke to a golden retriever and sent it running down Hastings Street past the junkies and homeless people, it would be a far better movie.
High Art: Um, okay--it's not. It's boring. It's so boring that Lori and I stopped halfway through and haven't had the heart to finish watching it yet. We've instead learned to distract ourselves by hunting spiders and then throwing them outside with a big fanfare. Because that's far more exciting. I mean, really--how hard is it to inject an interesting plotline into a movie filled with photography and femlove and drugs? Not very fucking hard, imho. And yet, they cock it up!
The Uninvited: Olde black and white thriller, and damned if I can remember who any of the actors were. But it was good--snappy banter, spookiness, mystery, and a truly chilling ghost. Seriously, we were scared. But then, when it comes to the supernatural I get scared by, like, strong breezes, so take that as you will.
The Net: I don't even have anything of use to say about this, because we spent the whole movie making fun of Sandra Bullock's ugly white camel-toe neck-high jeans. That costumer was sadistic--although if that sadism was directed more towards Sandy or the audience, I don't know.
Dances With Wolves: A lot more fun if you ad-lib all the Sioux complaining about the way Kevin Costner smells.
Hear No Evil: I don't think I'll ever be able to watch a D.B. Sweeney movie without thinking of Bayliss from Homicide. Really, it's uncanny how similar they look!
As for the movie itself--uh, I'd better plead the Fifth on this one. Because I quite enjoyed it, but it's D.B. and Marlee Matlin. Yes, that's right--back when Hollywood thought, "Hey, a hot deaf chick! I think I've got a script for a deaf chick somewhere around here! It'll be an instant hit, because how can you be mean to a deaf chick? She's deaf, for Chrissake!!", they made this movie. And then I proceeded to be politically incorrect in all sorts of awful ways. I swear,
chootoy kept looking furtively around her apartment like some nitpicking PC-Police would jump out at her.And that's all I'm gonna say about that.
New Waterford Girl: An indie film! A Canadian indie film! A funny, smart, interesting Canadian indie film! I may just pee myself in surprise. It's about Moony, a bookish girl in Cape Breton who longs to see life outside her small town. She comes up with what she feels will be a foolproof plan for getting out, and along the way befriends Lou, a girl from the Bronx who moves in nextdoor. Plus, Andrew McCarthy's in it! Looking damn good! And so are Cathy Moriarty and Nicholas Campbell! Who you probably won't know unless you're Canadian, but, y'know.
Angela's Ashes: After a while, whenever something good happened, Lori and I would ask, "Did a baby die?" Because that seemed to be the pattern. The McCourts get a break in life, then a baby dies. Apart from infant mortality, it was a pretty good movie, if you like that kind of hard-luck coming-of-age thing (which I do, I'm waiting impatiently for Igby Goes Down). Except, Angela never died! So there were never any ashes! What the hell? Everybody else in the damn movie died! Couldn't they have her keel over just so the title would make sense?
And hey, was that little redheaded kid Seamus from the Harry Potter movie?
...so, reading it over, this post is rife with political incorrectness and basic callousness. Don't take offense, kiddies--it's all in good satirical fun, okay?
[Edit]: On second thought, if you're offended--screw you, buddy! Don't join if you can't take a joke!
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If I sent you some money, could you line up the camcorder, golden retriever and the coke? because this is a movie crying out to be made! (ok, I'm crying out for it, but there might be some other whacko's who would appreciate it as well).
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