Dear John (there's a joke in there somewhere, isn't there?):

Customs, it seems, is only concerned with accosting the shipments of homoerotic literature bound for Vancouver gay-and-lesbian bookstores, because your package got through unmolested! Thank you for your thoughtfulness.

And here's some advice about your lady-love: apples and strawberries are natural mouth-fresheners. Wake her up with breakfast a few times, and I guarantee you that *both* of your bed-sharing problemsm, they will vanish like zee smoke!

much love and affection,
maggie