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bossymarmalade) wrote2004-02-10 01:47 pm
bossymarmalade) wrote2004-02-10 01:47 pm
Entry tags:
uh...george! george...cauldron!
So -- another Monday, another Canadian broadcast of The OC. And last night's was a doozy.
As always, please be warned that my recaps are done entirely from hazy memory, so they may be
As we all remember, Ryan is still in the doghouse from breaking into the school's records and for smacking Oliver up. Of course, in the OC, the doghouse is actually a poolhouse, and Ryan's sitting propped up on his plush bed when Sandy twirls in to talk to him. It's actually a very sombre and serious talk; Sandy wants Ryan to talk to him, and Ryan just starts up with the same old psychotic song about how Ollie's ca-razy and only he can see it. I mean, Sandy was there to bail this guy out of his coke charges, Ryan. If you just presented your argument rationally and with facts to back it up, instead of getting that batshit insane look in your squinchy little eyes, Sandy might believe you.
But of course, none of that happens. Instead, Ryan is sullen and pointless, and Sandy, clearly disappointed, tells him that he's been suspended until the disciplinary committee comes to a decision, and that if he wants to go after Oliver so badly, he's free to leave at any time. Of course, if he wants to stay put in his room, not go out and talk to anybody or see anybody, Sandy and Kirsten will love him more. Okay, Sandy didn't phrase it quite so manipulatively, but that's the gist of it.
Anyhow, credits roll as Ryan considers his options and Lori tries to say "Kirsten" the way Sandy does. Kee-sten. Khiii-sten. Keersten. I try as well, but neither of us gets it properly. Kirsten smiles adorably at us from the opening credits and we both go, "awwwwwww." We are perhaps a little too invested in Sandy + Khisten 4 EVA.
Summer and Marissa are strolling around the school. Summer is experimenting with crimped hair and really cute outfits; Marissa's hair is thankfully ironed flat but her skirt is a horrible striped herringbone monstrosity with what looks like a built-in red leather belt, or something. She's wearing a yellow sweater with it. A yellow sweater!! That's just inexcusable.
She whines about how unreasonable Ryan is, and about how he never tells her what he's thinking and how he's feeling, blah blah Oliver and I have SOOOOO much in common. Summer, unimpressed, wants to know if this is all because Oliver's in love with her. Marissa's bones rattle in shock within the ugly confines of her yellow sweater and she mumbles about that totally not being true. Summer doesn't believe her, but she also doesn't care because the more important issue is that they're both single girls now! No more stupid Ryan, no more stupid Seth! They're free! Crappy friend that she is, Marissa can't even muster up convincing excitement over this prospect, and leaves to go to class, or something, while Summer wonders what the hell she's done to deserve this.
After classes, Seth and Anna wander the halls. Anna has seen fit to surgically staple herself to Seth's side, and she is wearing a pink off-the-shoulder sweater with a pink bow and a white shirt patterned in red underneath that. Why would she think that looks good? I can only assume she is blinded by her desperation. Anna's wardrobe is where fashion goes to die. Or maybe just to throw up in private, like a sick housepet.
The Inevitable Awkward Moment comes when Seth & Anna bump into Marissa & Summer, because there's a very clear pause where they're all trying to figure out whether or not they're still friends. Marissa's best at this because she looks awkward even at the best of times, like when she's getting drunk in the bathroom or having joyless sex with Luke. Anna's ugly pink monstrosity battles Marissa's yellow sweater; neither wins, and it's a tragedy for all involved. Eventually, the kidlings decide that just because Marissa & Ryan aren't going out, it doesn't mean they can't all be pals. Marissa lurches forward and wants to know how Ryan is; I would tell you what Seth says but I was too busy freaking out at the terrifying way Marissa widened her eyes.
Once they've all kissed and made up, who should come barelling down the hall but Oliver! That's right, with messed-up lip and insanity burning in his eyes. Marissa comments about how nasty his bruised mouth looks, and Oliver cracks that he'd hoped it had made the jump "from scary to sexy." Summer stares at him like he just farted during Mass; Marissa laughs awkwardly. Or maybe she meant it to be jovial, I really can't tell with her. She deserts the others to go to class with Oliver.
On the other side of town, Sandy and Kirsten are sitting quietly in her office, eating potato salad and pastrami sandwiches out of deli containers. Have I mentioned that I'm INSANELY IN LOVE with them? Right. Well, they're discussing whether or not they've been too hard on Ryan, and they decide that they aren't because they need to support him but put their parental foot down. But their little chat is interrupted by a bunch of workmen in jumpsuits, who tell them that they're not supposed to be there.
Kirsten, seizing on the situation as Sandy hustles to stand against the wall when the men take the table, shrieks at Julie Cooper, the instigator of all this. Julie Cooper pleads ignorance, surprised that Kirsten's in her office when she said she was going out for lunch. Sandy, still eating potato salad standing by the wall, gleefully points out that they got deli food and decided to have a quiet lunch eating in.
Undaunted, Julie Cooper announces that she's redecorating Kirsten's office. Kirsten makes some obligatory objections, saying that this kind of thing needs to be approved and cleared first, but Julie Cooper brushes that off. Caleb told her she could do it, she says. Sandy guffaws into his sandwich, clearly enjoying this, and Kirsten looks adorable and put-upon.
The kidlings are having lunch, too; Marissa and Ollie are talking about something or the other, but I don't really perk up until Luke comes and sits next to Marissa. I love Luke. SO MUCH. He has TWO sandwiches. He starts chatting with Marissa, who looks scared and weird and cringes away for no good reason, because ever since Luke found out his daddy liked boys, he's been acting like a neutered orange cat and there's no way he's any threat to her.
Marissa stammers and whimpers and when her phone rings, she opens it and Luke leans over to see who's calling. It'shis boyfriend Ryan, which he loudly announces, and Marissa collapses her face-bones in on themselves and shuts the phone hurriedly. Luke is abashed. She wasn't gonna answer it? Oliver butts in and grandly says that Marissa is no longer talking to Ryan, which prompts everybody's favourite Uruk-hai to say, "Well, is she not talking to *me*? Because you keep answering for her!!" I want him to come to my house and eat pancakes with me.
Because every event in her life is simply another way in which she can feel sorry for herself, Marissa offers to leave the table; Luke stops her and says no, he'll leave. He gets up with his tray and stomps huffily off. Oliver makes a few insincere overtures of regret and Marissa makes a horrible melting gesture and excuses herself to get them some dessert. I snicker delicately into my sleeve and Oliver proves his rat-bastardness by checking Danse Macabre's phone messages (is she really that stupid about not locking her phone?), hears Ryan begging Marissa to meet him in the library after school, and erases the message. What a surprise.
Ryan, meanwhile, has been trying to keep himself entertained with a stack of comic books, a copy of Kavalier and Clay, and sit-ups. Why is it that when boys are bored, they exercise? Anyhow, I'm not complaining, although those were the most delicate sit-ups I've ever seen. But soon enough, it's time for him to meet Skeleballerina, and off he runs. Ryan's behaviour about this whole thing is very stupid, really, but I suppose if people acted normally there'd be no story, so that's okay.
At school, Seth catches sight of Ryan heading into the library and tries to stop him, since he's not supposed to be there. Ryan snipes at him and Seth drops it, evidently disturbed and cranky. It's so sad seeing them fight! Ryan goes to the library and Oliver shows up, naturally, telling him that Marissa doesn't want to see him, and it's over, and yadda yadda. Ryan blinks through his pony-like forelock and makes vague, inept threats. Chino, nobody's scared of you, don't you know that by now? Oliver snickers and leaves him there, lurking sadly between the stacks.
The next morning, Kirsten's drinking coffee in the kitchen in her robe, with her work and model houses. Sandy wanders in and she flusters about how she has no office now, and needs to work from home. Sandy is sanguine about the whole affair and starts eating a bagel, tearing little pieces out of it and eating like that. You can imagine the high-pitched noises of glee this caused.
The doorbell rings, and it's Julie Cooper! She's decided that she and Kirsten should carpool to work together. Kirsten is less than thrilled, but Sandy as usual is utterly delighted by this whole situation and urges her to go with Julie Cooper. Meanwhile, the lady in question goes and sits outside with some juice, and Ryan sidles up to her like a whipped dog and starts whispering furtively about how much trouble Oliver is. Julie Cooper delivers a truly awful line ("The boy who lives in a POOLHOUSE is warning me about the boy who lives in a PENTHOUSE?!?") and then leaves with Kirsten as Ryan writhes in shame.
At school, Luke and Seth hang out and watch Oliver and Marissa for a while, and if Luke being all cosy with Cohen isn't proof that he's reformed, I don't know what is. Luke says that he doesn't trust Oliver either, and hatches a little plan to ask his pals who attend Pacific High about Ollie's fictional girlfriend Natalie. Seth seems a little wary about this junior detective stunt, but doesn't protest, because who could break the big lug's heart like that? Certainly not Mama Kirsten's little boy.
Later, Anna resumes her parasitic relationship and suggests that she and Seth go to the comic book store after school. Seth is reluctant and wants to go home to see how Ryan's doing; Anna makes some peremptory inquiries as to Ryan's mental health, and Seth mumbles until Summer shows up, wanting to know what they have planned for after school. I'm certainly not an Anna fan, but I have to say that she has the look that people get when they're scrabbling for an excuse down *perfectly*.
They finally manage to get out that they're going to the comic book store, and Summer and her enormous pink purse want to go too! The spineless Wonder Twins relent, and off they go. Oliver, meanwhile, coaxes a reluctant Marissa into promising she'll drive down to L.A. with him as long as he gets her home in time for her scheduled dinner with her mother. Marissa, being completely witless, agrees and scampers off somewhere or the other. Really, my reviews suck for recounting the adventures of Bonsey McEyesalot, because I never really pay attention to what she's doing.
Somewhere in all this, Kirsten talks to Caleb about the Julie Cooper situation and how it's intolerable that Caleb's given her free reign. Caleb agrees, saying that he initially gave Julie Cooper the job to keep her off his back, and now he thinks that he's had enough of her and would Kirsten be so good as to pass on that message. Kirsten's look of shock mirrors mine, except in blonde and lipstick, when she says, "Are you asking me to BREAK UP with her for you?!?" Seeming pleased with her quickness, Caleb says, "yeah, thanks" and leaves. I'm frankly quite flabbergasted. What the hell kind of father is that?
In any case, Julie has redecorated Kirsten's office and although I don't remember what it looked like before, the end result is quite nice. Kirsten waffles and twitches, but eventually she manages to get across the bad news, and then Caleb comes in. Julie Cooper is quite rightly hurt and angry and makes some comments about Caleb's lack of testicles; she's mad at Kirsten too, which isn't quite fair but then Kirsten shouldn't have done her dad's dirty work. She also shouldn't have worn the jacket she did, because she looks like a little mod-boy rocker.
Back at the Casa, Sandy wanders through his house and finds his son bookended by Anna and Summer in the living room, watching Batman: The Animated Series. Such is our geekiness that Lori and I both immediately perked up when we saw their tv and went, "are they watching BATMAN?!?!" before Anna confirmed it for us. Sandy proceeds to stand next to the television and watch in horror as Seth proceeds to pile Summer up with The Dark Knight Returns, The Watchmen, and some other graphic novel I don't remember. Anna objects bitchily that maybe those are too heavy for Summer to start off with, and Seth objects and summarily ignores her in favour of Summer.
Highly worked up, Sandy calls Seth into the other room and yells him out for being a cad and hurting Anna's feelings. Seth is recalcitrant, because he doesn't see it; Sandy insists that Seth talk to him and tell him what's going through his mind, and Seth accuses him of really wanting to say all this to Ryan. Sandy, bless him, doesn't deny it, but clarifies that he doesn't want things with Seth to reach the same level that they have with Ryan and they part on good terms. They are the cutest father-son team EVER.
Anna decides to spend some quality time with Sandy in the kitchen and natters pathetically on and on about how perfect she and Seth are for each other, how she thought she was the only one who liked Death Cab and comics and sailing. Sandy admits that he thought Seth was the only one, and adds, "Death Cab is a band, yes?" I'm trying to cut down on my Sandy-adoration in these recaps, so I will not go into detail over the squeals this caused.
Not paying attention, Anna asks him in her awful wispy voice if he and Mrs. Cohen have anything in common; Kirsten comes in just then with groceries, looking decidedly pissed off, and demands help. Sandy cocks his head and tells Anna that the best thing with Cohen men is patience, and Anna leaves to help with the groceries. Luke comes in out of nowhere, bearing grocery bags. He wants to talk to Ryan and heads out to the poolhouse.
Here it cuts to Luke and Ryan talking intently, with their heads so close that if one of them nodded, their hair would tangle up together. Through my haze of joy and love, I gather that Luke's recon has provided the info that Natalie Bishop does not exist; this throws Ryan into a state of high anxiety and he motors off to stand on Julie Cooper's front step, lying in wait for Marissa. Sandy, leaving the dinner table to fetch Chino for supper, follows and watches as Ryan tries YET AGAIN to talk to Marissa, who's pissed off that he talked to her mom. Really, I can't blame her, because if there's one thing you're not supposed to do it's rat your friends out to their parents.
Julie Cooper bursts out onto the porch and orders her jangly skeleton daughter into the house. Marissa throws a fit and does her favourite party-trick of hissyfitting out of the scene. And guess where she goes? That's right -- Oliver's penthouse. That's okay, though, because Luke is on the case! Ryan is merely in everybody's bad books, because he's earned the Look of Disappointment from Sandy. Yeowtch.
Oliver sits Marissa down and starts talking about all the places they could go, because his parents own hotel penthouses all over the world. "Paris?" he says. "I love Paris!" Marissa says. "We could go to Paris tonight," he says. "And be back for Monday?" she says. "If you don't want to be with me, just tell me," he says. "I do, I do want to spend time with you! We'll go to Paris," she says. "It's okay," he says. "We'll do Paris in the spring." She cringes and smiles unsurely, hopefully, wanting to placate him and make him happy. Marissa is a date rapist's dream.
This stunningly charming conversation is interrupted by Luke, who wants to know how Marissa is and if there's anything he can do. She tells him to swing by her house and get her some clothes, and he says okay.
Which kicks into motion the most strange plot development of this episode, because Luke goes over and lounges on Marissa's old bed, idly toying with her stuffed animals while Julie Cooper moves around showing a LOT of skin and sniffling. Eventually she totally loses it, sniffling that she's lost her husband, her daughter, and her boyfriend, and Luke moves in to hug and comfort her...and then stare at her in unabashed LUST. Do Uruk-hai have a mating season? Because it's that time for Lurtz.
Julie Cooper, however, remembers propriety and sends Luke packing with Marissa's clothes. Then she lies on the bed and rolls around in Luke's scent. Well, no, she doesn't, but I like to imagine it.
At the hotel, Marissa has gone down to the concierge to find out if her bags have arrived. The front desk clerk is a middle-aged woman whose nametag reads "Natalie." Uh-huh, you guessed it. It seems that the millions of times Oliver's told transparent lies about Natalie have finally processed in her bone-brain, because she figures out that this woman has the same last name as well.
Shaken, she goes back upstairs and Oliver is agitated that she even *left* the room. Marissa clumsily brings up the desk clerk's name and when Ollie balks, is all ready to do her party trick again, but he begs her to stay and goes to the other room for a moment. Marissa takes this opportunity to phone Ryan, and when he picks up the phone starts whinging frantically about how Oliver won't let her leave. Bitch, he's out of the room! You can leave any time now!
Of course, that's when Oliver returns with a gun, and Marissa starts screeching, and Ollie hangs up the phone on Ryan. And ohmigod, this recap is long but Ryan comes skidding into the kitchen at the Casa, babbling about how he needs to go see Marissa, he has to rescue her, and Sandy demands the keys from him. Ryan looks distraught, but he's silly to do that because of course Sandy just wants to go with him.
They get to the hotel and there's some fooling around where the concierge won't let them up to the penthouse, then Ryan does the same detective work, la la yadda yadda. Marissa is upstairs asking Oliver why he wants to hurt her, and he says the gun is for him. Sometime before this he did the wonderful self-boxing of the ears, too. Marissa cringes and snivels and is basically useless. Some stuff happens, the hotel security plus Ryan plus Sandy plus Natalie all break into the penthouse, and Ryan talks Oliver down, and Sandy is so damn proud of his boi. Also, Marissa is not dead.
The folks back at the Casa get the news that all is well, and Seth decides he should phone Summer (who I think left after dinner) and let her know. Anna blows a gasket over this, objecting that Summer wasn't even aware anything *was* wrong so she doesn't need to be reassured. Now, as much as Seth was being a total jackass to Anna and flirting with Summer in front of her, Anna has chosen what is without a doubt the stupidest thing to point out. Marissa could have been killed, and she's objecting to Seth telling Summer about it? But then, Anna hasn't done anything sensible or admirable or worthwhile for the entire time she's been on the show, so there you go. She breaks up with him, and we cheer. Goodbye, Anna. Take that hideous sheet-metal flower you're wearing with you when you leave.
So, all's well that -- actually, everything ended up crappily, I suppose. If you're not me. If, however, it warms your heart to find Anna dumping Seth, Luke nearly getting it on with Julie Cooper, and a poolhouse reconciliation between the boys, then this episode is the shit. Well, it's the shit anyway, but to differing degrees of enjoyment. *g*
As always, please be warned that my recaps are done entirely from hazy memory, so they may be
As we all remember, Ryan is still in the doghouse from breaking into the school's records and for smacking Oliver up. Of course, in the OC, the doghouse is actually a poolhouse, and Ryan's sitting propped up on his plush bed when Sandy twirls in to talk to him. It's actually a very sombre and serious talk; Sandy wants Ryan to talk to him, and Ryan just starts up with the same old psychotic song about how Ollie's ca-razy and only he can see it. I mean, Sandy was there to bail this guy out of his coke charges, Ryan. If you just presented your argument rationally and with facts to back it up, instead of getting that batshit insane look in your squinchy little eyes, Sandy might believe you.
But of course, none of that happens. Instead, Ryan is sullen and pointless, and Sandy, clearly disappointed, tells him that he's been suspended until the disciplinary committee comes to a decision, and that if he wants to go after Oliver so badly, he's free to leave at any time. Of course, if he wants to stay put in his room, not go out and talk to anybody or see anybody, Sandy and Kirsten will love him more. Okay, Sandy didn't phrase it quite so manipulatively, but that's the gist of it.
Anyhow, credits roll as Ryan considers his options and Lori tries to say "Kirsten" the way Sandy does. Kee-sten. Khiii-sten. Keersten. I try as well, but neither of us gets it properly. Kirsten smiles adorably at us from the opening credits and we both go, "awwwwwww." We are perhaps a little too invested in Sandy + Khisten 4 EVA.
Summer and Marissa are strolling around the school. Summer is experimenting with crimped hair and really cute outfits; Marissa's hair is thankfully ironed flat but her skirt is a horrible striped herringbone monstrosity with what looks like a built-in red leather belt, or something. She's wearing a yellow sweater with it. A yellow sweater!! That's just inexcusable.
She whines about how unreasonable Ryan is, and about how he never tells her what he's thinking and how he's feeling, blah blah Oliver and I have SOOOOO much in common. Summer, unimpressed, wants to know if this is all because Oliver's in love with her. Marissa's bones rattle in shock within the ugly confines of her yellow sweater and she mumbles about that totally not being true. Summer doesn't believe her, but she also doesn't care because the more important issue is that they're both single girls now! No more stupid Ryan, no more stupid Seth! They're free! Crappy friend that she is, Marissa can't even muster up convincing excitement over this prospect, and leaves to go to class, or something, while Summer wonders what the hell she's done to deserve this.
After classes, Seth and Anna wander the halls. Anna has seen fit to surgically staple herself to Seth's side, and she is wearing a pink off-the-shoulder sweater with a pink bow and a white shirt patterned in red underneath that. Why would she think that looks good? I can only assume she is blinded by her desperation. Anna's wardrobe is where fashion goes to die. Or maybe just to throw up in private, like a sick housepet.
The Inevitable Awkward Moment comes when Seth & Anna bump into Marissa & Summer, because there's a very clear pause where they're all trying to figure out whether or not they're still friends. Marissa's best at this because she looks awkward even at the best of times, like when she's getting drunk in the bathroom or having joyless sex with Luke. Anna's ugly pink monstrosity battles Marissa's yellow sweater; neither wins, and it's a tragedy for all involved. Eventually, the kidlings decide that just because Marissa & Ryan aren't going out, it doesn't mean they can't all be pals. Marissa lurches forward and wants to know how Ryan is; I would tell you what Seth says but I was too busy freaking out at the terrifying way Marissa widened her eyes.
Once they've all kissed and made up, who should come barelling down the hall but Oliver! That's right, with messed-up lip and insanity burning in his eyes. Marissa comments about how nasty his bruised mouth looks, and Oliver cracks that he'd hoped it had made the jump "from scary to sexy." Summer stares at him like he just farted during Mass; Marissa laughs awkwardly. Or maybe she meant it to be jovial, I really can't tell with her. She deserts the others to go to class with Oliver.
On the other side of town, Sandy and Kirsten are sitting quietly in her office, eating potato salad and pastrami sandwiches out of deli containers. Have I mentioned that I'm INSANELY IN LOVE with them? Right. Well, they're discussing whether or not they've been too hard on Ryan, and they decide that they aren't because they need to support him but put their parental foot down. But their little chat is interrupted by a bunch of workmen in jumpsuits, who tell them that they're not supposed to be there.
Kirsten, seizing on the situation as Sandy hustles to stand against the wall when the men take the table, shrieks at Julie Cooper, the instigator of all this. Julie Cooper pleads ignorance, surprised that Kirsten's in her office when she said she was going out for lunch. Sandy, still eating potato salad standing by the wall, gleefully points out that they got deli food and decided to have a quiet lunch eating in.
Undaunted, Julie Cooper announces that she's redecorating Kirsten's office. Kirsten makes some obligatory objections, saying that this kind of thing needs to be approved and cleared first, but Julie Cooper brushes that off. Caleb told her she could do it, she says. Sandy guffaws into his sandwich, clearly enjoying this, and Kirsten looks adorable and put-upon.
The kidlings are having lunch, too; Marissa and Ollie are talking about something or the other, but I don't really perk up until Luke comes and sits next to Marissa. I love Luke. SO MUCH. He has TWO sandwiches. He starts chatting with Marissa, who looks scared and weird and cringes away for no good reason, because ever since Luke found out his daddy liked boys, he's been acting like a neutered orange cat and there's no way he's any threat to her.
Marissa stammers and whimpers and when her phone rings, she opens it and Luke leans over to see who's calling. It's
Because every event in her life is simply another way in which she can feel sorry for herself, Marissa offers to leave the table; Luke stops her and says no, he'll leave. He gets up with his tray and stomps huffily off. Oliver makes a few insincere overtures of regret and Marissa makes a horrible melting gesture and excuses herself to get them some dessert. I snicker delicately into my sleeve and Oliver proves his rat-bastardness by checking Danse Macabre's phone messages (is she really that stupid about not locking her phone?), hears Ryan begging Marissa to meet him in the library after school, and erases the message. What a surprise.
Ryan, meanwhile, has been trying to keep himself entertained with a stack of comic books, a copy of Kavalier and Clay, and sit-ups. Why is it that when boys are bored, they exercise? Anyhow, I'm not complaining, although those were the most delicate sit-ups I've ever seen. But soon enough, it's time for him to meet Skeleballerina, and off he runs. Ryan's behaviour about this whole thing is very stupid, really, but I suppose if people acted normally there'd be no story, so that's okay.
At school, Seth catches sight of Ryan heading into the library and tries to stop him, since he's not supposed to be there. Ryan snipes at him and Seth drops it, evidently disturbed and cranky. It's so sad seeing them fight! Ryan goes to the library and Oliver shows up, naturally, telling him that Marissa doesn't want to see him, and it's over, and yadda yadda. Ryan blinks through his pony-like forelock and makes vague, inept threats. Chino, nobody's scared of you, don't you know that by now? Oliver snickers and leaves him there, lurking sadly between the stacks.
The next morning, Kirsten's drinking coffee in the kitchen in her robe, with her work and model houses. Sandy wanders in and she flusters about how she has no office now, and needs to work from home. Sandy is sanguine about the whole affair and starts eating a bagel, tearing little pieces out of it and eating like that. You can imagine the high-pitched noises of glee this caused.
The doorbell rings, and it's Julie Cooper! She's decided that she and Kirsten should carpool to work together. Kirsten is less than thrilled, but Sandy as usual is utterly delighted by this whole situation and urges her to go with Julie Cooper. Meanwhile, the lady in question goes and sits outside with some juice, and Ryan sidles up to her like a whipped dog and starts whispering furtively about how much trouble Oliver is. Julie Cooper delivers a truly awful line ("The boy who lives in a POOLHOUSE is warning me about the boy who lives in a PENTHOUSE?!?") and then leaves with Kirsten as Ryan writhes in shame.
At school, Luke and Seth hang out and watch Oliver and Marissa for a while, and if Luke being all cosy with Cohen isn't proof that he's reformed, I don't know what is. Luke says that he doesn't trust Oliver either, and hatches a little plan to ask his pals who attend Pacific High about Ollie's fictional girlfriend Natalie. Seth seems a little wary about this junior detective stunt, but doesn't protest, because who could break the big lug's heart like that? Certainly not Mama Kirsten's little boy.
Later, Anna resumes her parasitic relationship and suggests that she and Seth go to the comic book store after school. Seth is reluctant and wants to go home to see how Ryan's doing; Anna makes some peremptory inquiries as to Ryan's mental health, and Seth mumbles until Summer shows up, wanting to know what they have planned for after school. I'm certainly not an Anna fan, but I have to say that she has the look that people get when they're scrabbling for an excuse down *perfectly*.
They finally manage to get out that they're going to the comic book store, and Summer and her enormous pink purse want to go too! The spineless Wonder Twins relent, and off they go. Oliver, meanwhile, coaxes a reluctant Marissa into promising she'll drive down to L.A. with him as long as he gets her home in time for her scheduled dinner with her mother. Marissa, being completely witless, agrees and scampers off somewhere or the other. Really, my reviews suck for recounting the adventures of Bonsey McEyesalot, because I never really pay attention to what she's doing.
Somewhere in all this, Kirsten talks to Caleb about the Julie Cooper situation and how it's intolerable that Caleb's given her free reign. Caleb agrees, saying that he initially gave Julie Cooper the job to keep her off his back, and now he thinks that he's had enough of her and would Kirsten be so good as to pass on that message. Kirsten's look of shock mirrors mine, except in blonde and lipstick, when she says, "Are you asking me to BREAK UP with her for you?!?" Seeming pleased with her quickness, Caleb says, "yeah, thanks" and leaves. I'm frankly quite flabbergasted. What the hell kind of father is that?
In any case, Julie has redecorated Kirsten's office and although I don't remember what it looked like before, the end result is quite nice. Kirsten waffles and twitches, but eventually she manages to get across the bad news, and then Caleb comes in. Julie Cooper is quite rightly hurt and angry and makes some comments about Caleb's lack of testicles; she's mad at Kirsten too, which isn't quite fair but then Kirsten shouldn't have done her dad's dirty work. She also shouldn't have worn the jacket she did, because she looks like a little mod-boy rocker.
Back at the Casa, Sandy wanders through his house and finds his son bookended by Anna and Summer in the living room, watching Batman: The Animated Series. Such is our geekiness that Lori and I both immediately perked up when we saw their tv and went, "are they watching BATMAN?!?!" before Anna confirmed it for us. Sandy proceeds to stand next to the television and watch in horror as Seth proceeds to pile Summer up with The Dark Knight Returns, The Watchmen, and some other graphic novel I don't remember. Anna objects bitchily that maybe those are too heavy for Summer to start off with, and Seth objects and summarily ignores her in favour of Summer.
Highly worked up, Sandy calls Seth into the other room and yells him out for being a cad and hurting Anna's feelings. Seth is recalcitrant, because he doesn't see it; Sandy insists that Seth talk to him and tell him what's going through his mind, and Seth accuses him of really wanting to say all this to Ryan. Sandy, bless him, doesn't deny it, but clarifies that he doesn't want things with Seth to reach the same level that they have with Ryan and they part on good terms. They are the cutest father-son team EVER.
Anna decides to spend some quality time with Sandy in the kitchen and natters pathetically on and on about how perfect she and Seth are for each other, how she thought she was the only one who liked Death Cab and comics and sailing. Sandy admits that he thought Seth was the only one, and adds, "Death Cab is a band, yes?" I'm trying to cut down on my Sandy-adoration in these recaps, so I will not go into detail over the squeals this caused.
Not paying attention, Anna asks him in her awful wispy voice if he and Mrs. Cohen have anything in common; Kirsten comes in just then with groceries, looking decidedly pissed off, and demands help. Sandy cocks his head and tells Anna that the best thing with Cohen men is patience, and Anna leaves to help with the groceries. Luke comes in out of nowhere, bearing grocery bags. He wants to talk to Ryan and heads out to the poolhouse.
Here it cuts to Luke and Ryan talking intently, with their heads so close that if one of them nodded, their hair would tangle up together. Through my haze of joy and love, I gather that Luke's recon has provided the info that Natalie Bishop does not exist; this throws Ryan into a state of high anxiety and he motors off to stand on Julie Cooper's front step, lying in wait for Marissa. Sandy, leaving the dinner table to fetch Chino for supper, follows and watches as Ryan tries YET AGAIN to talk to Marissa, who's pissed off that he talked to her mom. Really, I can't blame her, because if there's one thing you're not supposed to do it's rat your friends out to their parents.
Julie Cooper bursts out onto the porch and orders her jangly skeleton daughter into the house. Marissa throws a fit and does her favourite party-trick of hissyfitting out of the scene. And guess where she goes? That's right -- Oliver's penthouse. That's okay, though, because Luke is on the case! Ryan is merely in everybody's bad books, because he's earned the Look of Disappointment from Sandy. Yeowtch.
Oliver sits Marissa down and starts talking about all the places they could go, because his parents own hotel penthouses all over the world. "Paris?" he says. "I love Paris!" Marissa says. "We could go to Paris tonight," he says. "And be back for Monday?" she says. "If you don't want to be with me, just tell me," he says. "I do, I do want to spend time with you! We'll go to Paris," she says. "It's okay," he says. "We'll do Paris in the spring." She cringes and smiles unsurely, hopefully, wanting to placate him and make him happy. Marissa is a date rapist's dream.
This stunningly charming conversation is interrupted by Luke, who wants to know how Marissa is and if there's anything he can do. She tells him to swing by her house and get her some clothes, and he says okay.
Which kicks into motion the most strange plot development of this episode, because Luke goes over and lounges on Marissa's old bed, idly toying with her stuffed animals while Julie Cooper moves around showing a LOT of skin and sniffling. Eventually she totally loses it, sniffling that she's lost her husband, her daughter, and her boyfriend, and Luke moves in to hug and comfort her...and then stare at her in unabashed LUST. Do Uruk-hai have a mating season? Because it's that time for Lurtz.
Julie Cooper, however, remembers propriety and sends Luke packing with Marissa's clothes. Then she lies on the bed and rolls around in Luke's scent. Well, no, she doesn't, but I like to imagine it.
At the hotel, Marissa has gone down to the concierge to find out if her bags have arrived. The front desk clerk is a middle-aged woman whose nametag reads "Natalie." Uh-huh, you guessed it. It seems that the millions of times Oliver's told transparent lies about Natalie have finally processed in her bone-brain, because she figures out that this woman has the same last name as well.
Shaken, she goes back upstairs and Oliver is agitated that she even *left* the room. Marissa clumsily brings up the desk clerk's name and when Ollie balks, is all ready to do her party trick again, but he begs her to stay and goes to the other room for a moment. Marissa takes this opportunity to phone Ryan, and when he picks up the phone starts whinging frantically about how Oliver won't let her leave. Bitch, he's out of the room! You can leave any time now!
Of course, that's when Oliver returns with a gun, and Marissa starts screeching, and Ollie hangs up the phone on Ryan. And ohmigod, this recap is long but Ryan comes skidding into the kitchen at the Casa, babbling about how he needs to go see Marissa, he has to rescue her, and Sandy demands the keys from him. Ryan looks distraught, but he's silly to do that because of course Sandy just wants to go with him.
They get to the hotel and there's some fooling around where the concierge won't let them up to the penthouse, then Ryan does the same detective work, la la yadda yadda. Marissa is upstairs asking Oliver why he wants to hurt her, and he says the gun is for him. Sometime before this he did the wonderful self-boxing of the ears, too. Marissa cringes and snivels and is basically useless. Some stuff happens, the hotel security plus Ryan plus Sandy plus Natalie all break into the penthouse, and Ryan talks Oliver down, and Sandy is so damn proud of his boi. Also, Marissa is not dead.
The folks back at the Casa get the news that all is well, and Seth decides he should phone Summer (who I think left after dinner) and let her know. Anna blows a gasket over this, objecting that Summer wasn't even aware anything *was* wrong so she doesn't need to be reassured. Now, as much as Seth was being a total jackass to Anna and flirting with Summer in front of her, Anna has chosen what is without a doubt the stupidest thing to point out. Marissa could have been killed, and she's objecting to Seth telling Summer about it? But then, Anna hasn't done anything sensible or admirable or worthwhile for the entire time she's been on the show, so there you go. She breaks up with him, and we cheer. Goodbye, Anna. Take that hideous sheet-metal flower you're wearing with you when you leave.
So, all's well that -- actually, everything ended up crappily, I suppose. If you're not me. If, however, it warms your heart to find Anna dumping Seth, Luke nearly getting it on with Julie Cooper, and a poolhouse reconciliation between the boys, then this episode is the shit. Well, it's the shit anyway, but to differing degrees of enjoyment. *g*
Luke + Julie Cooper!!!??!!
That was so insane! I was sitting there stunned, waiting to see where they were going with that. I'm glad that Julie stopped it, but I'm verra curious as to whether they are going to pursue that.
Anyhooo, thanks for another lovely update!!
Re: Luke + Julie Cooper!!!??!!
I'm glad you enjoyed the recap! ^_^
Re: Luke + Julie Cooper!!!??!!
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I was laughing so hard I had to hit myself in the head with MY MOUSE!!
BWAHAHAHA!
Bye, Anna.
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And I'm sure we'll all miss Anna's slurring, head-waggling, and virulent makeup colour palette terribly, won't we?
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Seriously, the Watchmen? Back when I read comics I got all 12 original issues and then, when I sold the entire collection, I kept those Watchmen and one X-men issue. So, Watchmen! EEEEEEE!
Also, hey, poolhouse reconciliation? Wasn't it sweet and nice? Did they end it with sex?
p.s. If I wanted to email you a comic question for a fic, would that be okay?
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The poolhouse reconciliation was too, too brief! It was the very end and a fade-out, so there wasn't much. I hope there's lots more Seth/Ryan time in the next episode.
If I wanted to email you a comic question for a fic, would that be okay?
That would be a-okay! I'm all curious now.
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And still! The Watchmen! EeeeeeeeeeeeEEEEEEEE!
There should always be even more Seth/Ryan interaction. Sigh. Seth/Ryan foreVAH!
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It took me a damn half hour to read this epic recap, and I don't even watch the show except for the thousands of commercials in between American Idol.
Questions:
How is Skeletor the supposed heroin of this show? HOW?????
Is Chino Ryan's legitimate nickname or just yours?
Do people actually refer to Julie Cooper with the first and last name or it is a Kelly Taylor kind of phenomenon?
Lastly, why does Skeletor have her ex boyfriend going to her room packing her shit???? I know that means Luke and the mother get in some freak time, but that doesn't even make any sense??? Particularly since you said she didn't even give him the time of day at the lunch table.
And this:
Julie Cooper delivers a truly awful line ("The boy who lives in a POOLHOUSE is warning me about the boy who lives in a PENTHOUSE?!?") and then leaves with Kirsten as Ryan writhes in shame.
Holy God! Quotes like that is the reason why I should be watching this show!!! So horridly shallow and classist! Soooo cheesy in character development and themes! Oh, how my love has risen.
Damn you.
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- How is Skeletor the supposed heroin of this show? HOW?????
I cannot answer you there. She is completely unsympathetic, utterly bland, and subject to the most rotten of Mary Sue cliches. Ugh!
- Is Chino Ryan's legitimate nickname or just yours?
Just mine, although I think Summer or somebody might have called him that at some point.
- Do people actually refer to Julie Cooper with the first and last name or it is a Kelly Taylor kind of phenomenon?
Kirsten and Seth seem to refer to her by both names, and really, I feel most comfortable doing the same. Julie Cooper just has so much more flair than "Julie"!
- Lastly, why does Skeletor have her ex boyfriend going to her room packing her shit???? I know that means Luke and the mother get in some freak time, but that doesn't even make any sense???
It makes NO SENSE whatsoever. But then, apparently everything in Bones's world exists to serve *her*, so I guess that was the deal. But can you imagine sending your ex-boyfriend over to pick up your delicate feminine underthings? Good LORD.
Holy God! Quotes like that is the reason why I should be watching this show!!! So horridly shallow and classist! Soooo cheesy in character development and themes! Oh, how my love has risen.
You should TOTALLY be watching this show. The characters will suck you in before you know it, and even when it's *bad* it's such a fun, wonderful, trashy bad that you can't help but love it. Hee!
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It's not as bad as One Tree Hill! Or 7th Heaven! And it's never tried to convince, like Everwood last night, that possessing a penis makes your first time at sex a fun thing but lacking one means first time at sex will be sad or bad unless it's SPECIAL and IMPORTANT. No, wait, I'm being bitter.
And seriously, Marissa doesn't get half the crap of the adulation that Kelly Taylor did, so it has that to its advantage. ;)
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Yes. I'm gathering that the show spreads the love (poor highschool!Donna and David). Seriously. From these recaps alone, it makes me want a Sandy/Kirsten icon, lol. And even I know Luke's character arc! I'm practically watching already. ;)
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This all sounds FANTASTIC. I can't wait for Wednesday. Luke and Julie Cooper! Kirsten and Sandy being the best couple ever! A Seth and Ryan reconciliation! The only thing that could make all of this sound better would be to kill off Oliver and Marissa. But then, having to see everyone deal with the "tragedy" of losing those two might be more annoying than they already are.
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You sure got that right. I'm hoping for a lot of time with Marissa feeling like crap for not believing Ryan, but I know she's probably going to flip that around and feel sorry for herself because Oliver deeee-ceeeeeived her. Rargh!
The rest of it, though? Pure brilliant joy. *g*
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Hah! Dude, I keep telling myself it's a *good* thing they're together now, because that means they'll break up eventually to go out with other people since this is a nighttime soap, after all. That's the thought that keeps me going. *g*
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I’m insanely excited about Luke and Julie Cooper. The only thing I’m looking forward to more is the sit-ups. Please tell me that he’s wearing the ‘beater? And that we can see arms&stuff flex? Wait, do arm even flex during sit-ups? I long for the halcyon days of pull-up in the model home.
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He's so sweeeeet! A precious pink Uruk-hai, not like all the others.
Please tell me that he’s wearing the ‘beater?
You've probably seen it for yourself by now, but -- alas, no! A little grey t-shirt, if I remember correctly. And such small, feathery sit-ups too! Those pull-ups in the model home had way more oooomph to them!
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his pony-like forelock
ahahahHAHAHA. oh, yes. I laugh; I also find Ryan's white-of-the-eye sidelong glares from beneath said forelock to be hot. the ridiculous and the sublime, they all meet up and eat bagels and drink coffee together on The O.C., man.
(I show up late for these because I am faced with a dilemma--spoilers! vs. Maggie's recaps! so I solve it by reading your recap the second I finish watching the show, if at all possible.)
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I love the vaguely befuddled state with which Sandy regards everything in the OC that isn't his wife and kids. Although, you're right -- Julie Cooper/Luke sex is pretty inappropiate, so he'll probably feel a little more Righteous Outrage. Oh, Sandy, how I love you! Even if you seem to have completely forgotten your idea of renovating that restaurant.
Ryan's white-of-the-eye sidelong glares
Hee! What a perfect description! I love those glares too, with his tense little mouth!
reading your recap the second I finish watching the show
*g* I figure most people don't want to spoil themselves -- hell, I probably wouldn't either -- so no worries there, sugarplum. I'm glad you enjoy them!