what a lazy fuck; I'm nobody's cigarette monkey

I agree. That wouldn't be my choice either, and I'm a smoker.

my prediction is that the Chris choice will win, b/c that seems to be a fandom fave

I think so too (and the results would seem to prove you right!). In fact, I chose the Chris answer too, but that was after much careful deliberation and a complete unwillingness to give Lance any props at all.